This Time Around

Same Blog, New Location

2011-05-28T20:03:00.000-06:00

photo © 2008 Susan | more info (via: Wylio)
My blog is moving!

As of May 30/11, I will be posting from This Time Around's new home at Word Press. All the posts made to date here will remain, well, here. I tried importing everything to Word Press, but some stuff looked a little whackadoodle and with having to set up Google Analytics afresh with the new location, I thought it made more sense to leave here what was set up and formatted for this location.

Please bear with me as I sort out working from a new blogging platform and I hope to see you over at Word Press on Monday!

Back in a Bit

2011-05-25T11:26:00.000-06:00

photo © 2005 Laura Crowhurst | more info (via: Wylio)

There are certain things I've been neglecting in my 3D life for a bit and it's driving me crazy. Plus I've honestly hit a real dry spot for topics here and, in looking back over previous entries, have found I repeat myself. A lot. I'm finding me boring, which is sad.

So I'm off to get caught up on some things, and pray about and think on some other stuff. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I'm shooting for next Monday. I hope to see you then. ت

FYI

2011-05-24T10:12:00.001-06:00

No, I'm not doing another bona-fide post over here two days in a row. But I did do a guest post over at Finding Beautiful -- a blog I think you will really enjoy. My guest post is a part of her series (new posts go up each Tuesday through July 5th) on living deliberately. Please check it out! I hope you'll enjoy it!

Another "Thank you!" to Julie (Finding Beautiful's blogger) for this opportunity. :)

Musings on Finishing

2011-05-23T12:46:00.000-06:00

"Winning isn't always finishing first.

Sometimes winning is just finishing."

~ Manuel Diotte

photo © 2009 Justin See (coming back) | more info (via: Wylio)
I'm a pretty great list maker.

My 'to lists' are generally neat and tidy. They are not overly long and if I can, I'll use brightly coloured ink on a crisp piece of paper or a fun font on the computer to make things look pretty. And while there is not always a sequential order to the tasks listed, there is something very satisfying about seeing a list of goals or tasks waiting for me to put a tick beside them marking them as completed.

I wish I saw more ticks. (Not the nasty, literally-get-under-your-skin kind; I mean the pen or pencil check-mark kind.)

No, I'm not a very good list finisher.

I recycle more goals and 'to do' lists than most bottle depots do bottles during a long, hot summer. It's crazy. But I've really been trying as of late to a) not look at former lists as 'things I have failed to do' and b)look more at where I need to go from here to get to where I want to be while hoping I'm staying in God's will for my life. In other words, I'm trying to change my mindset so I can become a better list finisher. If I'm constantly berating myself for what I haven't finished then I'm not moving forward. I need to accept that, yes, I messed up but it's not the end of the world. While I still have breath and life, there is an opportunity to pick myself back up and to keep going.

It's good to have goals, and it's necessary to write them down. It adds concreteness to things; it makes them more than just dreams from a cloudy day. But there also needs to be accountability, something to help keep you on track, to keep you going when the road ahead looks like a long, tiring climb up a steep and rocky trail. And the same thing won't work for every goal in every situation. Sometimes I can push through a sticky spot in the next blog entry by promising myself some time to read a new book. But that tactic wouldn't have worked in regards to picking up my strength-training program after petering out on it last week. For that I had to remind myself I have people to report my success (or failure) to at the end of the month. There is definitely trial-and-error involved in pushing through to the finish line.

What about you? How to you push through the dips or tough spots when working towards a goal?

Moving Forward

2011-05-20T11:37:00.000-06:00

photo © 2010 Lauren Hammond | more info (via: Wylio)
It's interesting how since I've started thinking about how to live deliberately, about doing things on purpose with a purpose rather than watching life amble on by how disorganized I've become. Okay, it's not a 'oh look -- a shooting star' type of discovery. I've been this way for a long while. But my awareness of it is on hyper-drive, and, as is my tendency, I'm overwhelmed by it all. It's in the back of my mind that I have to be able to sort through my house, sort through the files on my computer, etc. right this very minute and it all has to be done today. If everything cannot be accomplished in one fell swoop, in one day, then what's the point of starting?

siiigh

I never said it was logical.

So for the past couple of weeks I've been rushing to get out the door more often than not. Various piles are squatting in various parts of my home and the cat is doing daily battle with the dust bunnies. (Cat - 5, dust bunnies - 1.) And I seem to finally find my groove ten minutes before I need to be somewhere else.

I was whining to God about it on my way to work earlier this week. "I feel," I recall saying, "like I"m in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by a shipwreck, and I'm somehow expected to rebuild the whole ship in the ocean, but all my tools have sunk to the bottom. (God may have chuckled at my dramatics.) Yes, I was feeling particularly adrift at that point and I was tired of bottling it all up. On the plus side, I made myself laugh with said dramatics and was feeling considerably less tense by the time I pulled into the parking lot at my workplace. I was also reminded I don't have to 'fix' everything in the time it takes to snap my fingers. Nor can I.

What I can do is this: I can stop, take a deep breath, and sort out where I go from here. God knew before I was even born I would be at this exact point at this exact time. He's not sitting on His throne, mouth agape in surprise at any of this while wondering if there is any hope of His will actually being done in my life. Nor does He expect me to change or fix things all on my own (as much as I stubbornly keep trying to do just that).

So I will stop. I will breathe deeply in and slowly out. And I will, with God, sort out where I go from here and keep on forging ahead.

Stalwart walks in step with GOD;

his path blazed by GOD, he's happy.

If he stumbles, he's not down for long;

GOD has a grip on his hand.

- Psalm 37: 23-34 (Message)

Repost: I Know You Are But What Am I?

2011-05-18T07:40:00.002-06:00

Today, or rather this morning, is one of those times where the procrastination skills I have not yet quite conquered come back to bite me in the butt. So I thought today would be a great day to revisit (and tweak -- it's almost as if I can't *not* edit it) one of my favourite posts. Originally posted April 29/09.

= = = = = = = = = = = =

"In some sense, we are all hypocrites in transition." ~Erwin McManus

I had started this entry a little while ago, but tucked it away as too many other things were bouncing through my head and life at the time, but some things have settled down and others I have settled into so it seems a good time to pick it up again. Also, how can one resist the following plea from the comments section of my last post?

*pokepoke* Update please? *begs prettily*

I would bug this dear woman (and good friend!) about updating her own blog -- Random Thoughts -- but she has recently done just that, soooo . . . I'm left with the option of updating my own or just shutting up.

But yes -- us, hypocrites and transition.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a hypocrite is "a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion" or "a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings."

Ouch.

But wait a second here . . . look again at the second part of the definition. A hypocrite is someone acting "in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings." (emphasis added)

Isn't that, to a degree, what Christians must do on a regular basis?

Take my perception of myself, for example. I have spent a good chunk of my life battling feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Pretty near anyone who knows me could tell you I don't have the best self-image. It is better than what it has been, though. And this is why: I'm finally starting to act in a way which contradicts what I have believed and felt about myself. Regardless of how I feel, the fact of the matter is before the world was made, God loved me and chose me in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes (Ephesians 1:4, NLT).

Do I always believe this? No. Do I always feel this? No. I still have days where I have to fight to find something positive to say about what I did or about what happened during the day. But part of changing my mind involves changing how I act.

So if that makes me some sort of a hypocrite, then that's okay.

No Clever Title

2011-05-16T12:05:00.001-06:00

Blogger was down for a bit last week. Oh, I could still look at my blog, but any thoughts of being able to post an update were merely wishes when I had the time to sit down in front of my computer Thursday night and early Friday morning.

Suffice it to say I'm seriously considering moving to WordPress.

All was not lost in my non-blogging time, however, as last week I joined The Blog Rocket Community. It is proving to be quite the gathering of bloggers. There are some mad-talented people out there. Honestly I'm feeling a bit intimidated, but I think it's in a good, 'spur me on to do better' way. The proof will be in the pudding, as they say, and I think it's a good thing to invest $10/month in. Certainly friendlier to my waistline than the two schmancy drinks at Starbucks that money probably would have gone towards. ;-)

There's a Map?!

2011-05-11T12:21:00.000-06:00

Outlines and I didn’t get along very well in high school. I’m pretty sure my English teacher was on to my ‘clever’ method of getting around doing them too, as I’m sure it wasn’t exactly a new trick to write the essay and then do up the outline. So I almost did a little dance when I found out author Meg Cabot writes her books minus an outline:

“If I really like the idea, I don’t outline, because I’ve found that when I do, it feels like I’ve already told the story, and then I don’t have the excitement about actually writing it . . . People call that “seat-of-the-pants-writing.” I think you can end up getting in trouble doing that, because I often will get midway through, and I’m like . . . I completely screwed this story up, and this could never happen. And then I get really frustrated and eat 10 pounds of candy, and I’ll end up watching the Lifetime channel for 10 days until I figure out what I did wrong. Then I have to go back. But that’s the only way I can work.” ~Meg Cabot in The Writer, April 2010, pp. 21-22

But while the above method is doable for writing a novel (Meg Cabot has penned over 50 books which include the successful Princess Diaries series), it doesn’t apply so well to pursuing one’s goals. It becomes far too easy to become distracted or to lose one’s way completely when travelling by the seat of one’s pants. I’m finally starting realize this as I am in the early stages of actively pursuing a couple of goals. In the process, I’m becoming aware of a seeming myriad of things that distract me or trip me up. As playwright Sidney Howard said, “One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.”

So I have to find some things I can get rid of, and this time a ‘backwards outline’ won’t work. Hmmm . . . what to do, what to do?

Can't Make Me (But You Can Help Me)

2011-05-09T12:17:00.000-06:00

I didn’t want to get up this morning. Between staying up a bit on the late side last night and a cat who was up a lot on the early side this morning, it would have been very easy (and was incredibly tempting) to sleep in later than I already had. But then I remembered my running buddy.

Yes, I and a long-distance friend (she lives States-side in Tennessee, I am north of the 49^th parallel in Alberta) are each doing a ‘Couch to 5K’ program, and on somewhat of a whim last week I decided to see if she’d like to be my running buddy. Happily, she agreed. Now I’m no stranger to the ‘Couch to 5K’ program, having downloaded the app on my iPhone last year but petering out when it turned into a rather rainy spring after about three weeks. And I think one of the key reasons that happened is I wasn’t accountable to anyone. Not my husband, not any fellow exercisers, nada – just me and my will power, both of which will pick ‘warm and dry’ in a pinch when faced with lacing up the running shoes on a drizzly day.

Hence my ‘somewhat of a whim’ suggestion to my friend that we team up to conquer our respective programs – I realized I needed to be accountable to someone. So now we follow up with one another via Facebook posts and in the process, I’ve made myself accountable to more people as other Facebook friends now ask how things are going. It’s a great big ball of accountability. I hope I’ll use it to help keep me going right over the finish line.

And it reminds me of Paul’s admonishment to the church in Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJ):

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,

not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner

of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more

as you see the Day approaching.

What are some ways being accountable to other people is helping you with an endeavor or goal or project?

Authentically Unoriginal

2011-05-06T07:55:00.000-06:00

I recently heard some things (very good things, by the way) about authenticity, about how nothing we do is truly original. We’ve all stolen something from somewhere, added maybe a dash or two of ‘us’ to the mix and then ran with it, whether it be a story or our personas, our faith or our songs. The idea is not to be ‘original’, but rather to be authentic as people and as Christians.

“There is nothing new under the sun,” wrote the Preacher in Ecclesiastes 1:9, and he was – and is – right. In my own life, I only have to look at many of the stories I have written. As much as I may like to think they 100% fresh, new, never-before-penned ideas, I know such is not the case. I’ve taken bits from television shows, movies, other stories, songs, and even real life, added hopefully a bit of me to the mix, and then put pen to page (and more often, fingers to keyboard), dashing away to a place I hope others will follow me to.

My faith has (and is) being built in a similar way. I didn’t come into it all on my own. There are the pastors and teachers, family members and friends, strangers and even fictional characters who have helped shape and mold my view of God, His kingdom and His ways. Much of it, I believe, has been good and right and true. Some of it is distorted*. And all of it comes together to make my faith, well, my faith. It’s sort of like a patchwork quilt. Bits and pieces are collected, stitched together, cut out if necessary and scrapped while something new is added in.

So it may not be original, the things that we do. But may they be real, may they be something worth imitating. And may they even be something worth stealing.

*My aim is not to point fingers. As I mentioned in a previous post, sometimes I simply don’t hear what is really being said.

Faults & Fears

2011-05-04T11:48:00.001-06:00

Between saying and doing

many a pair of shoes is worn out.

~ Italian proverb

I accepted an excuse for being late to today’s writing session I know any employer would never accept from an employee: I couldn’t find my brown eyeliner. And things basically snowballed from there. I had to finish doing my hair, then make a cup of tea, then mop up the tea that sloshed over the rim of my cup onto my desk and then I had to settle my nerves because my house is a mess and so on and so forth. Gone was the satisfaction of being up in time to do some preliminary writing work before making a lunch for my husband (a little ‘derp’ moment), and then getting in half an hour of exercising.

This morning is, when I think about it, actually a variation on how the last couple of weeks in particular have been going. The initial adrenaline rush of making some tweaks and changes has worn off. The need for what seems to be tedious work has set in. Reminders of all that needs to be done are plenteous. Impatience looms, questions and doubts build, and the temptation to write recent pursuits off as a trip down a rabbit trail, to switch back to merely plodding through life snatches at my heels.

Hard work is worthwhile . . .
~ Proverbs 14:23 (CEV)

But I can’t. Just as I can’t call the coffee from a popular Canadian franchise good after having some truly good coffee at another coffee house, I can’t go back to plodding through my days, simply letting life happen to me. It’s not a good life. It’s not a sort of life that testifies of the bigness and awesomeness of the God I serve.

I don’t mean to say I have aspirations of becoming some sort of a celebrity, of seeing my name in lights (though seeing it on a book jacket in Chapters would be pretty sweet). No, I’m talking about me (and you) living life on purpose. Of not sitting on the sidelines watching other people be great at whatever it is they’re great at – whether they’re full-time moms, janitors, teachers, pastors, secretaries, salespeople. Whatever it is they do. Whatever it is we do. We can all do it well, and we can do it all as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23).

So onwards and upwards it is, then. In spite of faults and in spite of fears because the One who calls you and me will complete the good work He has begun in us (Philippians 1:6). We just need to remember it’s not a passive experience on our end, either, and give it all we’ve got too. I have a hunch it’s something we won’t regret.

Oh Bother

2011-05-02T12:17:00.000-06:00

My weekend was a good one, but constantly spinning away in the back of my brain like an over-caffeinated hamster on a squeaky wheel was some stuff that happened at work on Friday. It’s nothing earth shattering, but it is irksome to say the least. I’ve spent most of my morning trying to properly sort through it so I can take the steps I need to this afternoon to begin to resolve it. Or at least do what I can so I can honestly say I’m trying and doing my best.

So yeah, there you have it. (Or not, as the case may be.)

Catch y’all on Wednesday!

"Give us the tools & we will finish the job." ~Winston Churchill

Which is Bigger?

2011-04-29T11:37:00.000-06:00

Then [Samuel] brought each family of the tribe of Benjamin before the LORD,

and the family of the Matrites was chosen. And finally Saul son of Kish

was chosen from among them. But when they had looked for him,

he had disappeared! So they asked the LORD, “Where is he?”

And the LORD replied, “He is hiding among the baggage.”

~1 Samuel 10:21-22 (NLT)

Saul, who stood head and shoulders above everyone else (1 Sam. 9:2, 10:23), did not exactly have an auspicious official start to his kingship. Hiding amongst the baggage?! And this was after God had confirmed His call on Saul’s life through the fulfillment of the signs the prophet Samuel had outlined to Saul (1 Samuel 10:2-9).

And how often we do the same. Granted, I can’t speak for your situation, but I can say I have a pretty hefty pile of baggage I like to hide behind. There are things I’d like to do, things I believe I’m meant to be doing and I know I’m meant to be doing, but oh, there are so many reasons for me not to be doing them.

Motherhood? Yes, well, that sounds great but I’m approaching 40 and am getting a little old for such things, wouldn’t you say? The medical profession certainly does a good job of wigging me out in part . . . O_o

Writing full-time? Yes, well, that would be lovely but maybe I’m to keep my day job (my tent making, if you will). Plus I’m not terribly disciplined in how I use my free time and perhaps this is just meant to be a side project or a hobby. That is, if I’m in God’s will and/or doing it with right motives in any way, shape or form.

Teaching kids? Yes, I’m currently doing that, but again with the discipline thing. And there are so many things I really can’t teach them about well because I’ve messed up so much myself.

I could paraphrase Saul’s plea (for he does sound almost bewilderedly desperate) to Saul in 1 Samuel 9:2 to fit myself quite nicely: “But I’m only the middle child from a prairie farm family, I am small, and the least important of them all! Why are you talking like this to me?”

Why?

I think I can almost hear God chuckle (but with mercy and grace – He’s God, after all). Here is why: Because God doesn’t look at us and see us merely as we currently are. He sees us, crouching behind all our excuses, as He has called us out to be. Think about Saul’s successor – David. He didn’t focus on the fact he was the youngest and the smallest in his family. He kept his focus on the bigness of his God. And what about Saul? Why was he so focused on doing his own thing, often under the guise of ‘it’s what the people want’? The following verse is telling:

And Samuel told [Saul],” Although you may think little of yourself,

are you not the leader of the tribes of Israel? The LORD has

anointed you king of Israel.”

~1 Samuel 15:17 (NLT)

I’m not trying to reduce Saul’s choices to a neat and tidy pop psychology analysis. But his view of his self certainly did not help. And his focus, it would seem, was not on the bigness of his God, but on pleasing the people and his own inadequacies.

So you and I have a choice. Do we focus on our own inadequacies or on the bigness of the God who has called us? Do we kick down the piles of baggage, the excuses we’re hiding behind and step out into the wild, bold, amazing plans God has for our lives? Or do we stay crouched down and hidden?

I don’t know about you, but my legs are cramping. And I’m tired of my current view. So c’mon – lets go for it with God. It’s going to be wild, it’s going to be great, and it’s going to be full of Him!

In Case the Cat Was Still in the Bag

2011-04-27T10:07:00.000-06:00

Many of you who know me know I really enjoy the writings of Jon Acuff, author of Stuff Christians Like (the blog and the book) and the upcoming (and highly recommended) Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream Job.

So today I thought I'd share a recent post from Jon's blog where he compiled -- based on readers' votes -- the top 10 posts from Stuff Christians Like. Feel free to click on the link and take an often funny (and sometimes serious) look at this journey we're all on. I'm tickled to point out my two favourite posts made the top two spots!

Enjoy!

Content (But Not Complacent)

2011-04-25T11:13:00.001-06:00

In what was perhaps not the wisest of moves, I went to sleep last night struggling a bit with remembrances of missed opportunities and wonderings as to whether or not certain ships truly have sailed away for good. I know, I know – I’ve been trying to put such things to rest for a while now, but my brain is not an Etch-a-Sketch. I cannot give it a really good shake and have all those things disappear, never to be heard from again. And it feels a tad more difficult ‘to let bygones be bygones’ when I get caught up in thinking I’m surrounded by people whose lives are moving forward whereas I keep tripping over the same stones time and again. But I’m not privy to all their struggles and questions and fights, so who am I to say I’m alone in these struggles? I know, even though I lose sight of it sometimes, I am not alone.

So I’ve been fighting a little bit of the blues this morning. But as I’ve seen my husband off to work and taken care of a few non-writing things, I have (however slowly and repeatedly) cast my cares on the One who cares for me. The Message expresses it beautifully:

So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs.

God’s strong hand is on you;

he’ll promote you at the right time.

Live carefree before God;

he is most careful with you.

~1 Peter 5:6-7

And as I give my head a shake, take a deep breath, and make the conscious decision (and effort) to keep moving forward, I rejoice in the One who made it all possible for me to have another fresh day with another fresh start.

Oh, and a little ‘banjo music’ (my husband grows tired of it . . .) courtesy of “The Cave” by Mumford & Sons doesn’t hurt either. ツ

Empty Tomb, Thankful Heart

2011-04-22T06:00:00.005-06:00

This is how much God loved the world:

He gave his Son, his one and only Son.

And this is why:

so that no one need be destroyed;

by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.

God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son

merely to point an accusing finger,

telling the world how bad it was.

He came to help, to put the world right again.

~John 3: 16-17 (The Message)

A Bit of Whimsy

2011-04-20T18:42:00.000-06:00

“For everything there is a season,

A time for every activity under heaven.”

~Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT)

Awhile ago a friend and I were sharing what music we were currently listening to and I, in all innocence, asked her if she had heard the song Fireflies by Owl City as I had (and still do) enjoy it. To put it mildly, she had heard it a few too many times thanks to The Disney Channel repeatedly playing an ad using that very tune. (She either wanted to punch someone in the teeth or the throat should she hear the song again. O_o)

I was listening to the song again on my way home today after a busy day at work and thinking about how life can get so busy and hectic. We’re running here and there, trying to sort through a million different things and figure out what’s a priority and what isn’t while wondering if we’re doing what really matters, what really counts in the light of eternity. It can be easy to get bogged down with weighty issues and thoughts. And I’m not saying any of that is bad. No, it’s a good thing for me to make sure my priorities are in order, that I’m not being distracted from those things which do matter the most in the long run by what is ultimately frivolous fluff.

But as my husband can attest to, sometimes I do need a bit of whimsy, something fun and fluffy to keep me from becoming too serious, too worried about this, that and the other. And I agree. Everything has its season – work, rest, contemplation . . . and even some whimsical songs.

Do Not Adjust Your Sets

2011-04-20T09:08:00.000-06:00

Blog entry in progress . . . check back this evening . . .

Bits of the Picture

2011-04-18T12:13:00.000-06:00

The clock is ticking, the cursor is blinking in my Word document, and I’m sorting through a few things (or trying to) as I sip at a cup of herbal tea. So far, nothing has gelled into a cohesive entry. And I don’t blame the lack of caffeine, as I normally don’t have my first cup until I start my office job after lunch.

No, it’s something simpler.

Today I decided for the first time in about a week and a half (not including weekends) to not get up early to write. I didn’t prime the pump, as it were, and I’m sort of regretting it. I don’t 100% regret it, mind you, as having a good night’s sleep was great (I’m still working on the getting to bed earlier bit) and I got a good number of things done this morning. Brought the car in for an oil change, got some groceries, started some laundry, that sort of thing.

But I do regret my later rising a bit. Did I choose ‘happiness now’ over ‘happiness later’? I would say so, yes. At the same time, I’m sorting through some things I have been learning the past little while in church. Things such as not pursuing happiness over pursuing truth, rekindling a hunger and desire for God and godly things, ways in which others and myself are intelligent (‘It’s not how intelligent are you,’ my notes read, ‘but how are you intelligent?’). As such, I’m wondering for perhaps for the bazillionith time if I’m in God’s will or if I’m merely trying to get Him to bless my will. But, thankfully, even with such questions bouncing around I’m not doing what I would normally do, which would be nothing or close to nothing while waiting for a TBD sign from the heavens as to what to do next.

Because I do know some things which I should never quit doing, thanks to the pastors and teachers I get to learn from on a regular basis – things such as seeking God, worshipping Him and talking to Him, reading my Bible, serving others.

And as Steven Furtick wrote in his April 14/11 blog entry, it’s often in the midst of doing those things we find the other answers we are looking for. After all, Jesus called His disciples while they were busy in their ‘everyday’ tasks. God came to talk to Gideon while he was threshing wheat, Elisha was plowing a field when Elijah found and began to disciple him.

So who knows when God will reveal the next step to you and to me?

Further Musing or Two of an Uncaffeinated Mind

2011-04-15T07:24:00.000-06:00

If you don’t create change,

change will create you.

~Anon.

It’s interesting how when you start hearing about an idea or concept, you’re suddenly hearing about it everywhere and thinking about it a lot more. Or how you can hear about something for probably years when suddenly it’s expressed in such a way that it clicks inside of you and you have your ‘Now I get it!” moment. Or maybe you finally hear what’s being said properly, clearly and it’s like someone threw the switch in a previously dark room.

Such things have been happening to me recently in regards to living life on purpose vs. simply letting life happen to me, as it were. And some times my focus is where it ought to be, too, so I don’t become self-serving, where the temporary weights and struggles of self-discipline are borne with grace. Other times I choose ‘happiness now’ over ‘happiness later’ only to later struggle beneath the much-heavier weight of regret.

There are many things to weigh and consider and ponder, times of prayer and reflection and meditation and honesty that are required to take initiative and to live life in such a way that (as clichéd Gandhi’s words may be) we are the change we want to see in the world. It takes work and effort, it means getting back up and dusting ourselves off no matter how many times we fall. But I do believe, in the end, we will find it to have been worth it.

Not Stupid

2011-04-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself – some Christian fiction drives me crazy. I have read many stories about people who as soon as they decide to become Christians never make another wrong decision or do another stupid thing in their lives. They are completely selfless, respond correctly in every situation, never complain, and are never frustrated about anything or anyone. They never become distracted by the things in this world or snap at their spouse or children, bosses or coworkers. They are martyrs and saints walking among us mere mortals, awing us all with their wisdom and grace.

Now I don’t mean to belittle these authors or the characters they have created and the stories they have told. Honestly, it’s good to have ideals and goals and a picture of how great things can be if we would all really do what the Bible says. And for the most part, I have enjoyed reading these stories, even if I have felt inadequate in a few or several areas of my life when I’m done reading. Because there are times, too, where I have honestly been spurred on to do better in my own life by the time I’ve reached the last page.

But I don’t think I’m wired to write such stories . . . or not very many of them at any rate.

And that has got me to thinking the story ideas I have bouncing around in my head, in my heart, aren’t all necessarily stupid, pointless bits of fluff. That I can use them to encourage others and maybe make them laugh or go “Hey, I do that too!” Maybe I can make them think about something new or help them to see the part of God I was made to reflect. And maybe even give them some time away from some hard (or simply ‘not great’) circumstances in their own lives via some silly fluff. (I like to think of it as hot chocolate with whipped cream for the soul.)

We’re all wired in unique ways, with a combination of gifts, talents, abilities and interests no other person has in the exact same measure. So rather than look at how we’re not measuring up to what someone else is doing, we (and I!) need to keep our focus on God, to go where He would lead us and to let Him use us – rough edges and all. After all, Jesus didn’t pick twelve perfect men to be his followers. One was a bit of a loudmouth, another was a thief and His betrayer, and two others were more concerned with getting good seats by Jesus in heaven.

And this pattern is seen time and again in the Bible – Samson had a weakness for pretty ladies; David took another man’s wife; Moses insisted he could not do what God was asking him to do; Jonah literally tried to run away from the call of God; the apostle Paul, while he was still Saul, was very zealous for God but was missing the mark. All imperfect people, all with dreams, and all used by God.

It’s like my pastor says – God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. But here’s a footnote – He does use the uniqueness of each person to fulfill that calling as well. David’s time as a shepherd gave him a unique perspective as a king. Saul-then-Paul’s zealousness was a force to be reckoned with when he properly directed it. And God can use our uniqueness, too. He put it all in there, after all. It’s not silly nor is it stupid. The key, I think, is to not waste it or use it selfishly.

Priming the Pump

2011-04-11T11:53:00.000-06:00


"You have to kind of prime the pump sometimes." -Bob Day

Yesterday I heard how in springtime (with its warmth and brightness and freshness) the temptation is to sit back and enjoy it, to go fishing or walking or biking, to simply do things that are fun. But springtime is also a time where work needs to be done, where seeds need to be sown so there is a harvest in the fall. So all play and no work at this time of year would be a most unwise route to take (as enticing as it may be after a grey, wet winter).

Too often I swing into the ‘play first, work later’ mentality that I was warned about. I want all the easy stuff to come right now (or yesterday), to have the fruit of my labours without any labour. And it’s not like I was raised that way; it is a bad habit I have gotten into and am working on getting out of.

Part of the problem, I think, is too often we (because I can’t be the only one) look at work like this:

We would prefer for it to look like this:

I fell into the ‘American Gothic’ vision of work last week while longing for a ‘Calvin & Hobbes’ party when I got up early one morning to put in some work on a writing project or two. Not much was accomplished. As I wrote on a message board I’m a member of “. . . my brain was so confused by this action . . . [but] it was only the first day I’ve done this . . .” Wah, wah, cue sad trumpet sound (even with the moment of clarity at the end). Then a friend posted a response that I’ve been chewing on ever since:

You’ll get in a writing groove . . . You’ll have to work that pump for awhile before the water will gush out.

In other words, I’m going to have to keep working at developing better work habits. I’m going to have to see the opportunities, dressed as they are in overalls and looking like work (to loosely quote Thomas Edison), and, well, work to take advantage of them, even when it’s not all fun times full of happy tunes. I have to not only sow seeds, but also tend to them so they can grow and produce a harvest. In other words, I need to keep getting up early to work on writing projects so I can also clean my house before going to my job and spending time working on growing solid relationships with God, my husband, family and friends.

Time to go work a pump or two (or three) some more. ツ

Bazinga

2011-04-08T07:22:00.001-06:00

There's nothing like a good 'bazinga' (or three -- it's getting late and I have to hustle!) to get the morning going. ;-) Enjoy your Friday and the weekend everyone!

Musing of an Uncaffeinated Mind

2011-04-06T06:32:00.000-06:00

It’s 6:11 a.m. as I begin to type this, and I point it out for no great reason, other than to illustrate it really is on the early side and I really have not yet had any time for a cup of coffee. I need to be at work in less than two hours, I still need to get ready for said work, and it would really be swell to eat a proper breakfast before tackling another day.

So why up so early when I can barely string a coherent sentence together and I had to look up how to spell ‘uncaffeinated’?

Because in order for me to get what I want, where I want, I need to become someone other than a snooze-button pusher who barely leaves myself the necessary time some mornings to get out the door in good time.

I need to learn the secret to being selfish .

5:30 a.m., may we meet for real tomorrow (with some coffee).

La-la-la! I Can't Hear You!

2011-04-04T10:25:00.003-06:00

I know a man who once was told God wanted to heal him of his hurts. “The Holy Spirit,” said the prophet visiting our church that day, “says you are a candidate for healing.” And I remember being very excited for that man when I heard those words spoken to him. But I later learned that is not what that man heard. What he heard was this:

“You are bad.” As in ‘stuff is wrong with you and it needs to be fixed, you bad person, you’.

One person heard words of hope and help. The other heard words of guilt and condemnation.

Funny, eh?

Now before anyone (myself included) is tempted to run off and say how silly that is and possibly sad and how they would never do anything like that, I would caution you (and me) to plant the feet and zip the lips. Then take an honest inventory of any time when you know the words you heard and the words that were actually said or truly implied by those words did not match up.

I was struggling with such words recently. I heard good, honest words about how it’s better to read the Bible than fictional novels not as ‘God’s Word is life and health and good for you, so read it often!’ but as ‘you wanting to write fiction is stupid and a waste of time.’

Then, oh-so-self-centeredly, I heard words meant to encourage another as a discouragement to me. “You’re not really smart,” I heard, “you only think you are, you show-off.” (A bit of time and a chat with my husband helped me see I was really just being silly with that one. And oh yeah – it’s not all about me, either. Whew!)

The thing is it’s easy to say something to a room full of people and have each one hear something different. As I’m learning and seeing, our respective circumstances, our experiences, our baggage, colours how we see and hear things. It’s like the kid who had an ‘okay’ or a terrible or absolutely no relationship with his or her dad trying to understand exactly what God looks like as a good Father. He or she may keep trying to approach God as the Father whose love they have to earn, not as the Father who stands, watching and waiting day after day for His wayward child to return home so He can hug him and kiss him and forgive him before having an amazing party (Luke 15:11-32).

We’re all thinking different things in our hearts (Proverbs 23:7, NKJ). That we’re winners who are capable of much . . . or that we’re losers who will never amount to much. Or maybe we think about how we’re loved by an amazing God . . . or we think we’ve disappointed Him too many times. It could be we’re thinking our dreams are good and right and doable . . . or that they’re selfish and wrong and not worth much of anything.

Come again, Chief?

And people can say all the best things, the most encouraging and right and true things, but we’re not hearing them. Not really. There’s too much static coming over the line. But (thankfully, mercifully) God is patient, His Word is sure and true and He does not lie. I keep coming back to Jeremiah 29:11-15a, and with each reading it is etched deeper into my heart and gains more volume over the static of the noise that would try to convince me otherwise:

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on Me, when you come and pray to Me, I’ll listen.
When you come looking for Me, you’ll find Me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding Me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” GOD’s Decree.
I’ll turn things around for you.
~ The Message (emphasis added)

Amen and amen.

Ob-La-Di

2011-04-01T10:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday y'all!

One Step!

2011-03-30T11:59:00.000-06:00

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~ Confucius

As has become the custom at the office I have worked at for the past few years (I’ve worked with the same company for almost 6 years, but switched offices), I have worked full days between Christmas and New Year’s as opposed to my normal 1-5 PM shift. And as is the custom for offices where many co-workers and customers are otherwise engaged, things were quiet. Last year was no exception.

So I did what I could to keep busy. I straightened/cleaned my desk in-between the work-related tasks I did have to do. I drank coffee. I may have exchanged an e-mail or two with a co-worker from yet another office within the company. And I thought about a blog post I had read from one of my favourite bloggers – Jon Acuff. He was asking for help with his next book. You can read the original post here: I need your help with my next book.

I don’t remember exactly when I read the above post, but on Thursday, December 30, 2010, when the phones were quiet and my work for the moment was done, I sent an e-mail. (And I realized just now I never did include my phone number. Hey, I live in Canada and Jon lives in the States. I was being conscientious of long distance charges. Yeah, that’s it.)

Anyhow, here is most of what I wrote:

. . . my husband and I are both in a “I’m _____ but _____” time of our lives . . .

I presently work as an administrative assistant, but would like to be a stay-at-home mom who writes devotional-type pieces and fiction . . . And as I get closer to 40 (I just turned 39) I wonder if it’s even fair [to have kids now] considering the statistics that stick in my head about older women having children. Couple that with too may reminders that our parents are getting older and my sisters’ kids are getting closer to being adults themselves and . . . yeah. I wonder if our time is past for such things. I also wonder if there is validity and real worth in regards to writing fiction. It would be easy right now for me to blame my questions and doubts in that regards on what other people have said about it, but that feels like a cop-out. It’s easier than dealing with my own lack of discipline.

So in a nutshell, that’s it. I do remind myself God has His perfect timing and can use all things for good. It’s just really hard to wait sometimes and to let go of my own flubs and failures and questions as to whether I have basically messed things up too many times.

With a degree of trepidation, I hit the ‘send’ button and wondered if anything would ever come of it. Jon’s blog has a wide readership, and lots of people have infinitely more interesting “I’m ____ but ____” stories. (That’s not to be down on myself – it’s just the truth. There are some amazing stories out there!) So I more or less put it out of my mind. Well, the forefront of it. Hence I was surprised and excited to receive an e-mail on Monday, February 28, 2011 penned by Jon asking people to fill out an online form to help them (them being he and the people he works with at Dave Ramsey’s company) get to know my story a little better. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I do remember allowing myself to hope I’d be one of the ‘select group of people’ who would get ‘the entire manuscript’ of the new book to read in advance and then offer feedback on it. Once again, the ‘send’ button was hit with a degree of trepidation.

One week and one day later, I almost squealed out loud with excitement at work upon making a quick check of my home e-mail account. I WAS GOING TO ‘BETA-TEST’ JON ACUFF’S NEW BOOK!!

Then came the longest week of waiting for said manuscript to arrive. It was harder than the countdown to Christmas when I was kid. But then I pulled into the driveway at home after work on Wednesday, March 16 and there in the mailbox on our fence was the best present ever left by the UPS delivery driver: the manuscript! As soon as I was able, I sat down and began to read. I had until Friday to read the entire thing and offer my feedback via an online form.

I finished the book – Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream Job – and the form at approximately 8:30 PM, MST the next day.

And it is a great book. Seriously. I’m not just being kind or trying to get good comments or anything. It is a challenging, insightful, honest book and if you can in fill in the “I’m ___ but ____” statement, you should read it. In fact, it is available for preorder on Amazon with a release date of May 10^th.

Naturally, I thought that was it. The manuscript was read and the form was filled out – finito, right? Well, besides having to return the manuscript as per the nondisclosure agreement I read and signed off on. (Because I was worried lawyers from The Lampo Company would come after me like the dudes in that one Stride gum commercial if I didn’t return it ASAP.)

But it wasn’t. That one, seemingly small step I took back in December still has some more to follow it. In the form of a conference call with Jon Acuff and other beta-testers of the book next week! As I posted as my Facebook status update on Monday: “. . . "Über-excited" about covers it.”

シ

Star Gazing

2011-03-28T07:00:00.009-06:00

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.

--Vincent van Gogh

It’s easy, I think, to dream things for one’s life, to make a list of things to do and things to pursue and such. But as I’m sure many can attest to, it’s quite another thing to get out there and realize one’s dreams, to help bring them to fruition in the here and now.

I look at where I actually am with certain things compared to where I thought I could be at one time or another, and I realize I’d like to move directly from ‘dreams’ to ‘reality’ in a transport of some sort (Beam me up, Scotty). Lets just bypass the drudgery, the dips and the hard work to get from A to B, shall we? Wouldn’t that be more fun? (Now, I’ve never said that is what I’d like to do in so many words. But my actions (or lack thereof) certainly do indicate that is a desire of mine on some level.)

But life and even fiction rarely work that way. More often than not, there are countless hours of work logged in by an ‘overnight success’, hours of practice put by the ‘musical prodigy’, many sketches and rough drafts preceding the finished work of an artist and a writer. Van Gogh didn’t just look at the stars and dream – he painted them in swirls of colour and feeling. Charles Dickens didn’t merely think it would someday make a neat story to write about an old miser whose worldview is changed courtesy of three spirits who visit him one cold Christmas Eve – he wrote A Christmas Carol. Nor did Beethoven think a handful of notes would one day make a nice ditty – he wrote his Fifth Symphony.

So I don’t want to leave tales of Plot Ninjas, high school teachers, or time travellers to languish on hard drives, in binders, and on various scraps of paper. Nor do I want to keep dwelling in the past or ‘playing it safe’ and end up missing out on what God is doing now and what He’s got planned for the future. It’s time to move past a simple recitation of Philippians 4:13 and get to putting it into practice. I don’t know it all, and it may very well be there are dreams I will need to let go of and others that need to be tweaked or completely overhauled. But that’s okay. God promises in Psalm 32:8 that He will guide us along the best pathway for our lives, that He will advise and watch over us. It’s up to me to either go where He leads or to fight Him like a stubborn mule (v. 9). But if I go His way, it’s going to be wild, it’s going to be great, and it’s going to be full of Him. Ü

A Couple of Things

2011-03-25T08:52:00.000-06:00

No one, I would dare say, likes to get punched in the face. But it’s amazing how often we’ll do just that to one another with our words, the way we say things, or a mixture of the two. It’s easy to talk about speaking kinds words to turn away much wrath (Proverbs 15:1) when things are going well, but when people are stressed or tired or frustrated it is easier (but still not right) to let fly with whatever comes to mind without considering the words and/or tone one is using.

Thankfully, there is grace. And a sincere apology can do much to mend things. Though I’d really like to get to the point where I more consistently am able to bite my tongue until I can say things in a way that doesn’t lead to a verbal bop on the nose. It involves less mess, no scars, and a better result to be enjoyed by all involved.

But onto something else . . .

I was at Wal-Mart yesterday picking up some odds ‘n’ ends when I purchased the latest issue of Real Simple magazine based entirely on one headline: “Spring Cleaning Shortcuts: 28 Strategies and Products That Really Work”. Now I have to actually flip to the article and see if it’s just a giant plug for the products (some of which I may not even be able to get as it’s a U.S. magazine and I live in Canada), or if its tips (and some elbow grease) will help me get my house spiffed up. Save for the Rooms of Doom. Because those rooms . . . well, they need more than a spring-cleaning – they need a serious purge. But those will be taken care of this year.

Hmmm . . . I think I need to seriously check out (and implement) any tips in the article mentioned in the bottom-left corner as well. ϡ

Wondering Wanderings

2011-03-23T11:14:00.001-06:00

I have mentioned in the past I have felt like a Supreme Waffler in matters of faith. One moment I’m fine with saying, “You know what? I have faith for XYZ, and that’s okay. It’s cool.” But then I’m in a room with people with big, move-entire-mountain-ranges-into-the-sea faith, and I wonder . . . I ponder . . . I (dare I say it?) . . . I doubt. Not so much in God’s Word or His provisions. I mean, He’s God – He doesn’t mess things up! No, it’s more a question of what I’m missing that is keeping mountains from moving (Matthew 17:20) and trees from uprooting (Luke 17:6).

Too often I forget the following:

I realize how kind God has been to me, and so I tell each of you not to think

you are better than you really are. Use good sense and measure yourself by

the amount of faith that God has given you.

~ Romans 12:3 (CEV)

It could very well be, then, that God has given me a measure of faith not the same as the mountain-movers and tree-uprooters. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. I’m not bad or evil because I have questions, either. The thing is to acknowledge them, to look for answers, and to be okay when I’m not finding the sought-for answers. (At least not yet. Because I believe one day I’ll see the whole picture and it will make sense.) My faith will only grow when I move out of my comfortable, having-answers zone, as I hope for and believe for those things that are not yet here in a tangible form.

So it was with thoughts like this in mind that I picked up the book O Me of Little Faith: True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling by Jason Boyett. I read it in the days after my mom’s heart surgery when I was filled with ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’, and found a great deal of hope and comfort in reading of someone else’s struggles and questions as he tries to wrap his finite mind around an infinite God. And I highlighted things like “Faith is . . . believing God will arrive, even if you can barely hear his song right now” and “Jesus doesn’t show up where he’s expected . . . He appears in places we hadn’t thought to look before” and held in my heart the encouragement to keep on keeping on even when my ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ are left hanging in the air. Now Boyett doesn’t’ say “Hey, everyone! Doubt! You’ll be more spiritual!” That would be crazy talk. But he does write openly and honestly (with some very funny footnotes) about his own journey. And through his honesty, I found an answer or two along with a great deal of hope for this journey we’re all on.

I have questions. I don’t have all the answers. And sometimes it feels as though the One who does have the answers is silent. But I’m learning that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I stop moving. It means I light another candle of hope and keep moving towards the One who promises that while I may stumble and falter He will never lose His grip on me (Psalm 37:24).

Annnnd . . . Now . . . No? How About . . . Now!?

2011-03-21T11:53:00.001-06:00

My first inclination is to blame Walt Disney, specifically his take on the story of Cinderella. Ah yes, the beautiful young maiden who captures the heart of a prince thanks to the help of her fairy godmother, and no thanks to her evil stepmother and stepsisters. Yup, all with a ‘bibbity-boppity-boo’ and a wave of a magic want and Cinderella was in the palace.

I mean, why else would I have this crazy idea that insists on lurking in the back of my mind (sometimes in the front, kickin’ in the front seat, sittin’ in the back se—oops, sorry) that I should instantaneously be good at something as soon as I start it or decide to start it? I mean, I spent at least half an hour over the weekend mapping out some writing goals, so I should be über -disciplined and meeting those goals already, right?

Yet even as I typed out the last paragraph, the ridiculousness of it was ringing in my ears like a chiming clock (and a catchy, if inane, pop tune). There are many things I can look back on in not only my own life but also in the lives of others and see where time, patience, and diligence are what got us to where we are now. For instance, it’s with those three things I learned out to drive as a teenager. It’s how my husband became a talented guitar player. It’s how our parents, families, and friends have all achieved countless things in their lives.

And, in a way, it’s how Cinderella got to the point where she was ready to receive the gifts her fairy godmother had for her. Because you know what we sometimes forget? The Fairy Godmother didn’t show up until after Cinderella had completed her myriad of chores, until after her animal friends had taken risks and put in the work to make her a dress for the ball. It is quite possible the tale could have taken another turn if all of the unpleasant circumstances in Cinderella’s life had been jumped over with a wand and a magical song. She may not have been as grateful, as appreciative, as beautiful in the ways that matter most had she circumvented all of that and had everything simply handed to her on a silver platter.

Just look at her stepsisters. (Just think of how lovely they would have been (and looked) if they had been kind, nice, and generous!)

So I (and perhaps you, too) need to remember every journey begins with a single step, but it is not completed until many more steps have been taken, one after the other. And I need to keep at it even (or perhaps especially) when I don’t feel like it, when the ‘easy’ way is so tempting a route to take. Don’t, to loosely paraphrase Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho, get so caught up in seeking out the treasure – the end result – of your destiny that you don’t actually live out your destiny. The journey, after all, makes the arrival at the destination all the sweeter and the ball that much more magical.

Tick-Tock, Tickety-Tock

2011-03-16T12:39:00.000-06:00

“How much of human life is lost in waiting.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had to wait for my computer to boot up.

I had to wait for Firefox to get going.

I had to wait for Word to open, and then to open the document I wanted.

I even had to wait for it to allow me to change the alignment for the above quote.

Some days I find it very hard to wait. It can be especially frustrating when you see people around you not waiting. They have deadlines to end current jobs and start new ones . . . they are entering into their God-given purpose in life in a way you have yet to experience . . . families are growing and changing, the world is marching on and yet you feel like you’re just sitting there. It’s not even that you feel like that in your life as a whole. It could be an area or two or three. And you find yourself double-checking your number, wondering if you missed the call of ‘Next!’, asking yourself if you’re waiting in the right place and always wondering ‘when’ and ‘how’.

That is why it is a comfort to see time and again in the Bible, in my life, and in the lives of others the faithfulness of God. We all may get antsy at one time or another as we wait for His timetable to come to pass. But just as surely as winter leads to spring, so we can know what God has planned for us will come to pass as we follow Him. May we all learn to rest in and trust Him as we wait.

So Long & Farewell (To the Past, Not the Blog)

2011-03-14T12:22:00.000-06:00

It’s sort of a funny thing, I suppose, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I find it much easier to let go of the mistakes and failures of my ‘pre-Christian’ life than I do of the mistakes and failures I have made since I became a Christian. It’s like a little voice niggles away in my ear, reminding me of how I really should know better by now. And while it is true with a good many things that I should be doing better in the areas where I’ve heard better, I have to remember God does not use my past to determine my future. He didn’t with the children of Israel, as can be seen in the following passage from Isaiah 43:18-19 (The Message):

Forget about what’s happened;

don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.

Besides which God’s grace and mercy are not any less now that I’m one of His kids – that is just my own messed-up thinking getting in the way when that thought pops out.

Now I was going to wax eloquently (or try to at any rate) about my muck-ups and the aforementioned grace and the things I do need to let go of, but I’m not going to. Many eulogies have been given (in one form or another) for my past. Instead, it is time I simply let some things go and leave the gravesite. As L. Thomas Holdcroft put it, “The past a guidepost, not a hitching post.” And grave yards sort of squick me out.

In the words of Relient K in their song "Forget and Not Slow Down":

I'd rather forget and not slow down,

than gather regret for the things I can't change now . . .

what good do "What ifs?" do?

As many of us know, not much good good at all. So lets bid them all adieu and move on.

Happiness

2011-03-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday, everyone!

" . . . "

2011-03-09T09:00:00.001-07:00

As you may have noticed, I like to find (and, obviously, read) quotes from other people. They can be famous or anonymous, serious or funny. But I like it when they are in some way thought provoking, when I’m challenged in some way, or when they cause me to have a ‘light bulb’ moment.

I entered the following passage from what is known as The Prayer of St. Patrick into the Notes section of my iPhone after my mom had heart surgery (as found in a devotional reading in my Bible):

I arise today

Through a mighty strength:

God’s power to guide me,

God’s might to uphold me,

God’s wisdom to teach me,

God’s eyes to watch over me,

God’s ear to hear me,

God’s Word to give me speech,

God’s hand to guard me,

God’s way to lie before me,

God’s shield to shelter me,

God’s host to secure me:

Against the snares of devils,

Against the seduction of vices,

Against the lusts of nature,

Against everyone who shall wish me ill,

Whether far or near, many or few.

I find something (and I can’t quite put my finger on it) about reading the words, the thoughts and the prayers of fellow believers who have gone on long before me. The commonality of our questions and musings, the insights and understandings they gleaned can be as relevant today as they were back then. As always, such things need to be checked against the standard of God’s Word. But they shouldn’t be tossed out merely because they are old or because, for some, they’re mindless recitations devoid of life or meaning or power.

That’s just my two cents on a little something. ツ

No Direction . . . Yet

2011-03-07T12:23:00.001-07:00

“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher . . .

or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”

~Douglas Adams

I do not know the context of the above quote from author Douglas Adams (of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” fame), but it struck me as amusing along with having a ring of truth to it. Because who hasn’t, at one time or another, heard from other people or even from your self why a dream you have won’t come to be? The dissenting voice could be a pessimist believing they’re ‘just being realistic’; it could be your own memories reminding you of all the times you tried and failed (or all the opportunities you missed); or it could be you hearing someone saying something they may not actually mean at all.

Or you may be in a room full of people sharing dreams about doing all kinds of great, big things for God (missions, helping hurting people, living an impactful life, etc.) and you’re sitting there, avoiding making eye contact with the person leading the meeting, so you won’t (pleaseohplease) be asked to share your dream which sounds small and frivolous in comparison to the dreams of the people around you. Because really, who cares if you write a silly little fictional story about a high school teacher or a fellow who works with Plot Ninjas or a time traveler? Really, what does it matter, what sort of an impact can such a thing make in the light of eternity? And is it merely your dream, the dream of your grandiose self? Is it a ‘decoy dream’ to keep you from what God really wants you to do? Or has the dream been given God’s stamp of approval and you think you’ve wasted too much time and too many opportunities, that the ship in question has sailed and it’s not turning around for you?

It’s times like this when I either a) quit thinking about my dreams altogether because I’m giving myself a pretty massive headache, b) take it to God and ask Him to basically spell it out for me because I just want to know, or c) do ‘b’ followed by ‘a’ so I don’t then talk myself out of hearing from God.

Yeah . . . as you may have gathered, none of those options are working out for me. And I’d like to say I have some ‘magic formula’ or Scripture reference that has plopped into my mind to help me see the first steps out, but instead I am, honestly, going to have to leave it at this for the time being:

Beautiful Day

2011-03-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

It’s so very easy to grumble and complain about things. And I know of what I speak, for last night and this morning in particular, many words that were not edifying or encouraging were rolling off of my tongue with a (sadly) practiced ease.

But if I can find the something good in a day that may not be good overall, something inside me shifts. No longer am I focused on the things I cannot change – things such as the weather, the decisions of others, things that are long past. Now I am in the ‘now’, changing what I can in and about me. And then the day doesn’t seem so bad.

In All Things

2011-03-02T09:17:00.002-07:00

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

~1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJ)

It’s 8:30 a.m. as I begin typing this, and I haven’t had the best of starts to my day. I slept later than what I really should have, will probably not have the time to get done what all needs doing, and am having to fight the urge to fall into old habits of self-recrimination and the like.

But then I had the pleasure of reading the latest from my cousin Julie’s blog – Finding Beautiful – and was reminded of how we can give thanks in everything even when everything is not currently going in the best direction. At the end of today’s post, Julie asked what good things her readers are grateful for these days. So I decided to post mine here:

1. I’m grateful for my family – via biology, marriage, and the church I’m a member of. None of us are perfect, but we do our best to love and support each other. Not everyone has that, and I’m glad that I do.

2. I’m grateful for the good friends I have. I’ve never been one to have a really large social circle, but the people I am friends with are, well, good people.

3. I’m grateful to have people who fall under #1 and #2. It’s like a bonus, a win-win.

4. I’m grateful for fellow travelers on this road called life, some of whom I have never met in person, but their writings and such have encouraged and challenged me. We may not agree on everything, but what is life if you’re surrounded by a bunch of ‘yes men’?

5. I’m grateful for this day. Sure, the first bit of it wasn’t the greatest, but there are still approximately 14 hours left in it. Still much that can be done, and still much to be thankful for.

I hope you, too, have things to be grateful for today.

Rambling Along

2011-02-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

It puzzles me sometimes how I can have so much to do, yet sabotage any effort to get things done. It would be nice to explain it away with some sort of medical diagnosis or the like, but I think it simply boils down to my being disorganized and a tad lazy. And (sometimes) it’s a matter of finding the right music to work to. ;-)

And sometimes it is hard to take the writing advice of sitting one’s butt in the chair and to just start writing. At such times quotes and clichés about writing and inspiration and the like don’t amount to much. All you know is there is a blinking cursor in a blank document or a page full of scratched-out, half-erased words and the clock is ticking. (No really, it is – I have to leave for my office job in an hour.)

I’m glad God never looks at our lives as a blank document. He knows exactly what is coming next. He knows the ending from the beginning, the beginning from the end. Every success, failure, mistake, right step and stumble – none of it comes as a shock to Him. And that sort of boggles my mind on days where I grow frustrated and impatient with myself and even with those around me. It also gives me hope.

Noisy Hope

2011-02-20T22:24:00.001-07:00

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.”

~George Iles

The writer of Ecclesiastes was spot-on when he wrote there is “. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance . . .” (Ecc. 3:4, NKJ). To ask a person in the midst of mourning to dance a happy jig or someone in the midst of a painful situation to let loose with laughter would be insensitive or even cruel. Life is full of varying seasons, and not all of them are joy-filled ones.

And I won’t dare say it is possible to find a reason to laugh no matter what life brings. But if you are going through something and laughter is possible, then by all means – laugh, even if it’s just for a few seconds or a minute.

My husband and I, for example, found things to laugh at while he went through chemotherapy. When we found his hair was falling out two weeks after he began chemotherapy, we cracked a joke about blowing on his head like it was a giant dandelion and making a wish. It helped us shave his head without shedding tears. There were moments of laughter in the days after my grandma’s stroke and at her funeral a few weeks later over what ‘u.d.’ stands for on a packing list and Grandma’s infamous hot cross buns. But Jeff and I didn’t chuckle or even crack a grin on the days when he felt totally crappy. Nor was there much (if any) laughter to be heard in the days before Grandma died. Again, with so many things in life there is a balance to be found, seasons to be endured, and times to cry and times to laugh.

But I will say, at least for my husband and I, we do try to find the funny if possible and appropriate. This quote from comedian Bob Newhart sums up why: “Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and the move on.”

In the examples given above, laughter did serve to relieve some pressure, clear our heads, and to remind us the hard times do not last forever (even though it can certainly look like they will). Laughter, I think, is like noisy hope. And who wouldn’t take hope over despair?

Gotta Laugh

2011-02-14T21:16:00.001-07:00

It has been a busier-than-normal type of day. I was home mainly so I could eat/change/tidy up/take a breath before going somewhere else. So I’m taking the easy route out on a blog update today and going for the funny. Well, I think it’s funny at any rate. ;-)

Road Trip Music

2011-02-07T20:42:00.007-07:00

It has been an up-and-down weekend to say the least. Family dynamics blended seamlessly one moment and chafed the next. Smiles were easy, natural, then felt forced, faked and out of place. Granted it wasn’t a roller-coaster type of ‘up and down’, but as can happen in life, it seemed to ebb a little more than it flowed.

Recently I’ve also been hearing (and thinking) about roads and how they take us places, and how it’s not too late to change direction while you’re still above ground. I’ve messed up a lot of things in 39 years, and I’ve wondered, at times, if I’ve done so irreparably. I know God can restore and redeem that which seems forever lost and completely unsalvageable. At least deep down I did. But it had all been tucked away with a few too many “Yes, but what if . . .?” scenarios over the last little while. So it was good to be reminded of the bigness of God the past few weeks. Plus, a fellow traveler by the name of C.S. Lewis once wrote, “You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” And a Google search for quotes on roads travelled in life brought up another gem by Carl Bard (an author according to another quick Google search): “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.”

And as many do, I also turned to a few song favourites as of late to reflect on, mellow out to, and be encouraged by – a bit of a soundtrack of sorts from the last month or so. (After all, what’s a road trip without some music?)

1. Stop This Train by John Mayer – a reflection on aging parents, an aging self, and the desire at times to stop time so we can maybe go back to when things were simpler.

2. Meteor Shower by Owl City – a soft, lyrical song reminding me I’m not my own and how much I, too, need Jesus.

3. Never Saw You Coming by Bebo Norman – sometimes when we’re looking at everything but God is when He comes with what we didn’t even really know we needed until it was there in front of us. If that makes any sense. :-p

4. SMS (Shine) by David Crowder*Band – even if such a cool concept for the video had never been realized, the song alone speaks in many a situation to many a heart.

5. In Repair by John Mayer – I’m not a huge John Mayer fan, really. We bought the CD because my husband liked what he had heard of his guitar work. But this song resonated with me because I, too, “. . . am not together, but I’m getting there . . .”

6. Rescue by Seabird – when I’m feeling frustrated or at the end of my rope or even pretty happy, this is a good song to sing along to. The lyrics sound rather hopeless in parts, but then you hit the chorus and bam! Rescue!

What about you? Are any songs resonating in one way or another with you as of late? Feel free to share them in the comments section below.

Escape

2011-01-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

I really don’t know what to ramble on about today. There are a couple of things jotted down in my notebook that I thought would spark something, but so far not much has really ‘caught’ with either one. A Google image search for another idea or two didn’t stir anything up either.

Maybe I think too much or maybe not enough. Or maybe this cold weather has me wanting to give in to the urge to curl up with some hot chocolate and a good book, to shut out the rest of the world for a little while. Not that I have anything against the ‘outside’ world. It has just been rather bumpy as of late. Good thing I’m not alone in it all, and for that I’m grateful.

So encourage each other and build each other up,

just as you are already doing.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Somewhere Between Here and There

2011-01-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

In reading over my previous two blog entries and doing my best to make an honest evaluation of what I truly have the faith to believe for in that regards, I have got to thinking that I, spiritually, look like this:

Now I don’t want to be so narcissistic (or become a megalomaniac-in-training) that I would even dare to suggest that I alone can tip the scale away from ‘miraculous healing’ to ‘divine provision even through surgery and recovery’ for my mom. But I do feel like I’m waffling between the faith I presently do have and the faith I would like to have. Then I wonder if this means I am lacking in faith and double-minded in my ways (James 1:6-8). Am I praying with a lack of confidence in God and His promises? And when Jesus said ‘according to your faith, be it unto you’, was that strictly in reference to the faith of the person being prayed for or the people doing the praying for/with the person asking for healing? Or do I need to simply acknowledge this is the measure of faith I have at present (Romans 12:3)? But then I need to remind myself to not stop there, but to allow that faith to be built up by praying in the Spirit (Jude 1:20). Maybe I’m not waffling as much as trying to flex and strengthen some spiritual muscles, as it were.

So many questions . . . and I need to start digging for some answers.

My husband and I were talking last night about faith in regards to healing and God’s will and His promises and the fact we heard explained at Bible study how God is, literally, outside of time. What we measure in centuries and seconds, He is not constrained by. It doesn’t worry Him or limit Him. And it’s hard to wrap our finite minds around an infinite being.

All of the above ramblings, I suppose, are to say where I stand in regards to Mom’s surgery has not really shifted from Monday’s position. I most certainly do want to grow in my faith. But I’m not going to beat myself up for where I am presently, either. After all, if I’m not honest about that then how can I really move forward and grow?

(And on a side note, all this talk of waffling has me craving waffles. With syrup. )

Stirred

2011-01-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

It’s not that I have some sort of insight into the future regarding exactly what the days ahead hold for my mom, but I do have a hope and expectancy I have not had in a while. And for anyone who was at the same prayer meeting I was tonight, how could you not have been stirred up? Pretty powerful stuff!

God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever

Imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

- Ephesians 3:20 (Message)

It can be far too easy to forget in impossible situations that I serve a God who specializes in impossibilities. He parts seas, heals the blind, causes previously crippled legs to jump and dance, raises the dead . . . He has and does and will do so much. Big. Small. Whatever it is, for Him it’s never impossible. And because of this we really can give thanks in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Calm & Carrying On

2011-01-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

“We would never learn to be brave and patient

if there were only joy in the world.”

-- Helen Keller

I’ll just come right out and say it: My mom is having open-heart surgery to replace her aortic valve this coming Friday. Long-ish story short, she had been having chest pains off-and-on for a while, and hasn’t left the hospital since Dad took her to emergency three weeks ago to find out what was going on. A narrowed aortic valve is the ‘what’ and its replacement is what the medical professionals have deemed necessary. And while it is a relief, especially for Mom, to know she will have her energy and stamina back once all is said and done, it’s the part in-between there and now that are, I think, helping us all cultivate some bravery, patience, and stronger faith.

I would love to say with certainty my mom won’t need surgery, that God will yet miraculously heal her. But the words Jesus spoke to two blind men – “According to your faith, be it unto you” (Matthew 9:29) – are as applicable now as they were then. So we pray and trust the surgery will go off without a hitch and the recovery process will be a complete and speedy one. That is what my parents have faith for, and that doesn’t make them weak Christians or any such thing. It is what it is, and while that sounds simplistic, there is no point in fretting over any ‘what ifs’ .

Plus, none of what is happening or what is to come has thrown God for a loop. Something a friend posted on Facebook last week expresses it well:

He knows the beginning from the end.
He is not worried. He is not anxious. He does not wonder. He is not panicking.
He is not dealing with today's uncertainty. He is not guessing what will happen.

He knows how it will all turn out. He has a plan. He made a way.

God has made a way. Our every need is provided for (Philippians 4:19). And that is more than enough as we traverse this particular path.

Someday

2011-01-16T21:11:00.001-07:00

“To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”

-- Bernard M. Baruch

I’ve never quite felt my age. With each birthday, I think at least once ‘I don’t feel mature enough to be this old’. Granted, I’ve never quizzed anyone else who has been ‘x’ years old to see how they felt as they moved through their ‘x’th year but somehow, I don’t feel like I’m mature enough to be ‘this’ old (recently 39 years old, in case anyone is wondering). And I do realize I’m not the only person to feel this way.

It is interesting though, isn’t it, how we will look at other people and see where they’re at in various stages in their lives and use it to measure our own progress? We’re all so differently wired with different plans and purposes, goals and dreams, yet we’ll still say “Well both my sisters are married with kids fast approaching graduation and I don’t even have one kid yet” or some other variation that fits our particular situations to basically say we don’t measure up, we’ve missed the mark, missed our chance. Throw into the mix far too many reminders our parents are getting older (or that they are gone) and changing work environments and myriads of ‘new normals’ popping up faster than a souped-up ‘Whack-a-Mole’ game and it can make one feel uncertain and too small and too ‘not ready’ to yet be considered a ‘proper’ adult. Whatever that means.

Not that goals and markers and signposts are bad things to have or to keep in sight as we make our ways through life. Not that people and situations shouldn’t change, or that life has to be all ‘sunshine and rainbows’ or that anyone should not acknowledge mucking things up in this journey called life. Yet it’s important to remember we can’t get so tied up in all the directions our lives could have taken up to this point that we miss where we ought to be going from this point. Yes, it may very well be that you and I are not where God’s perfect plan would have had us be right now. Yet Romans 8:28 promises God can use all things to work together for good for those of us who love Him and are called according to His purpose for us.

(Oh, I realized now I don’t really understand what it means to be ‘called according to His purpose for us’. But that may be a rabbit trail to be explored more at another time.)

So yes – Romans 8:28 and God using all things to work together for good. The key point is we need to remember to allow God to use ‘all things’ and to remember this does not give us carte blanche to do dumb things so God can turn them around. He is as glorified by a life lived fully for Him from a very early age as He is by a dramatic ‘gutter to the altar’ story of redemption and restoration.

It’s not too late to get on the right track. Not for me and not for you. And sometimes that means taking a leap of faith even when we don’t feel quite ready or ‘whatever’ to do it.

*Yes, I realize this entry is a day earlier than normal. But I know for certain I will not be home tomorrow morning to do my weekly Monday post, and the evening could be spent somewhere other than at home in front of my computer. In case you were wondering. ;-)

Taking a Moment

2011-01-10T21:33:00.001-07:00

Ten days into a new year and I have done something I cannot recall doing for a good long while now (if at all): I took a look at the goals I set for 2011 to see how I was progressing. A rudimentary thing to do, as many people may very well say, but sometimes I'm a bit slow on the uptake.

Part of the reason for the change, I think, is I'm starting to grasp the fact little changes made over a long period of time start to add up to new habits, a cleaner house, and a life where there is necessary change and growth. Like I said, rudimentary to perhaps many people out there. (Hey, maybe some wisdom is finally starting to come with age! Whoot!)

Another contributing factor is the realization I really cannot change my past. Oh, I've tried. Or at least I've spent a lot of time dwelling on my past sins and failures and missed opportunities. Yet all the "What ifs" and "If onlys" have not produced any positive, lasting changes. Nor has it led to my suddenly being 'caught up' to where I think I should be or where I wanted to be, or maybe even where I really should have been after 39 years of life, 16 years of marriage and the like.

In the Bible -- Jeremiah 29: 11-14a specifically -- God talks about thinking good thoughts toward us to give us a future and hope. And He doesn't say such thoughts of goodness and hope run out once we've become Christians. See, that is a misconception I've had -- that somehow I can 'overtax' God's grace once I became His kid. That once I say "Yes" to Jesus, my margin for error in the things I do and say (and don't do and say) becomes much, much smaller. It's easy to read verses like James 1:4 and think "Oh crap! I must be doing something wrong because I'm no closer to perfection than I was before becoming a Christian."

Then I read this:

"Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue . . ." ~2 Peter 1:2-3 (NKJ)

And this:

"For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body." ~James 3:2 (NKJ)

And also this:

"I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; I have no good beside or beyond You." ~Psalm 16:2 (Amplified)

God isn't asking me to change the things that need changing in this life all on my own. I have a part I need to play, but it's not the only part involved in bringing change about.

(Because ending it any other way felt clichéd.)

First Things First

2011-01-03T16:51:00.002-07:00

The first time of doing anything new, unfamiliar, and flat-out unknown is scary. It can be scary a good number of times after the initial step, too. This point in particular was driven home for me when I started a new job five years ago. For the first three months I spent my morning commute praying like crazy that I wouldn’t mess up. I did mess up, mind you, but I didn’t quit my job over those mistakes. I wasn’t fired for them (whew!). I was learning new things, in a new environment. Figuring everything out and adopting new habits, acquiring new skills was going to take some time. I realized that and my boss knew that before I even started my job.

It’s funny how I keep forgetting that with other things, though.

Take last year’s goals – actually, my goal-setting history in general. Granted, I do realize a good chunk of my problem is a lack of self-discipline. But I am not helped by the fact I can all-too readily throw in the towel as soon as I miss a Bible reading for the day or a workout or some writing time. Then there is the annoying “Remember” loop that kicks in far too often. It would be fine for this loop to kick in if it were a “Remember your past successes” loop, but the one I have allowed to play the longest and loudest is “Remember your past failures”. It’s a doozy, to be sure.

Now I can’t pinpoint when my thinking finally started to shift in regards to setting goals for this year, but a shifting is in progress. I’m thinking I will be hearing the “Mantra of My Failures” less often this year as I’m finally grasping a couple of things:

1. I do not need to let my past failures determine my ability to move forward.

2. A setback or failure on the course to reaching a goal does not mean the goal cannot be reached. It simply takes time to change a habit.

Nothing deep or profound, to be sure, but it was a pretty cool ‘light bulb’ moment to have.

Defenders

2010-12-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling just a wee bit of pressure to write something fantastic and profound (or even fantastically profound) for what will most likely be the last entry here for 2010. But evening is fast approaching and I have a DVD or two to enjoy as I'm on a bit of a holiday until Wednesday and a husband I would like to try to sell on the idea of allowing me a Birthday Eve which would allow me to open my gifts from him early so . . . yeah. Fantastic and profound will just have to wait until 2011.

Though I did have an interesting thought/memory last night as I was drifting off to sleep. I couldn't even tell you what started this particular train of thought, but I was remembering a day from my elementary school years. It was recess and I had just been unceremoniously informed by some friends I was no longer a member of a club we had formed. The reasons given have been fuzzed out by time, but I do recall standing in one corner of the playground by the chain link fence feeling very sad and alone and not acceptable. Unbeknown to me initially, my older sister -- who at that time was at the school which was literally across the street -- saw me and came over to see what was the matter. I tearfully filled her in and she came to my defense, telling the girls they were being mean. Or something like that. Like I said, the memory is fuzzy and I may have added in bits and pieces. But what mattered, what I still remember, is this:

1. I was, for all intents and purposes, deemed unacceptable as a member of a club to which my friends belonged.
2. My older sister stuck up for me. She let it be known, in her own way, I was acceptable.

And last night I realized God is like my big sister was in that moment. He is my defender. He is the One who sticks up for me when no one else (myself included) will, when all are busily pointing out my many faults and shortcomings, sins and failures. It's not that God doesn't know I mess things up. It's not that He glosses over my sins. But He doesn't look at me through that particular lens. As He did with Gideon (Judges 6: 11-16), God sees me with all of the potential, with all of the abundance and fullness and goodness promised in Jeremiah 29: 11-13 (Message):

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out -- plans to take care of you,

not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.

When you come looking for me, you'll find me.

God never abandons us. He doesn't tell us we're no longer a part of His plan. We can choose to walk away from Him and that plan, but like the prodigal son discovered (Luke 15: 11-32), when we admit the wrong we've done and ask for His forgiveness, it's given. And that is something I'll gladly carry with me out of 2010 and into 2011.

I hope you are all able to ring out 2010 and ring in 2011 with people you love. Thank you for reading!

Under Pressure

2010-12-20T12:08:00.001-07:00

Sometimes Facebook really irritates me. Wait, let me clarify – not Facebook its self, but the status updates that crop up here ‘n’ there that are the equivalent of the E-Mail Forward. Many of you know what I’m talking about in both cases. But in case you don’t, here is a brief example:

1. The E-Mail Forward: Often requiring the reader to first scroll through two pages of addresses from all the people who received the e-mail before them, the message often contains an inspiring and/or cautionary tale of some sort with directions to forward the e-mail to ‘x’ number of people. If the reader does not do this, he or she will end up with ‘x’ number of years of bad luck, small puppies will be kicked, and an entire glacier will melt and flood the North Pole ruining Christmas for everyone.

2. The Facebook Status Update: Involving unverified statistics with no margin of error these updates are probably all posted with the best of intentions. (In 3% of the cases anyway – the other 97% are just a bunch of pot-stirring yokels.) These updates ask the reader to repost these status updates if they “love Jesus”, “support people fighting cancer”, or “want to end all the ills in the world”.

Now you may be reading this and wondering why I don’t just delete the e-mails and ignore the status updates. I mean, what’s it to me if this is what people want to do? And honestly, I do think most of these things are passed along with the best of intentions.

So again – what’s my problem? And after some thought and such, I think it’s the underlying guilt trips that come along with these things that so irk me. As a couple of friends pointed out, such things are ultimately a form of peer pressure. One wonders if by not forwarding/reposting such things are they showing they are indeed bad, uncaring, puppy-kicking and Jesus-denying people. (Or maybe it’s just me. Though I doubt it.) But seriously -- if people can’t tell I’m a Christian by what I do ‘everyday’ then the last thing I need to be changing is my Facebook status. And if all the ills of society were cured by the copy & paste function on computers the world over, we’d be living in a utopian society right now.

Look, I do love Jesus and I know I fall far short of the life He’s called me to live. And I know several people who have had cancer. None of them care one whit about people honouring them via e-mail forwards or Facebook status updates. They're too busy living their lives.

I guess what I’m taking issue with is the fact it’s so easy for me to post something via Facebook or Twitter, to send an e-mail to try to guilt someone to ‘pass it along’ – even with the best of intentions – and quite another to get off my butt and actually do something about the injustices around me. It’s so very easy to type out “I love Jesus” and quite another to actually tell someone face-to-face about the salvation available only through His death and resurrection. Only minutes need to be spent in the comfort of my home decrying the hardships of the poor, but it’s another matter entirely to put together a donation for the food bank or to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

I want to stop living a copy & paste life. How about you? And if you’re not living that sort of a life, kudos! What do you do to actually get out there and do something? Feel free to share below. I won’t copy & paste it, I promise. ;-)

This Writer's Life

2010-12-13T11:39:00.001-07:00

“A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult

than most other people.” -- Thomas Mann

I have been writing in some form or another pretty much since my school days. Much of my writing during those days was required – stories, book reports, research papers, exams and the like. What little I did because I wanted to do it was kept to diaries/journals, letters/notes, and the odd silly story during junior high with friends when science class felt a little. . . . dry. (Hey, at least we weren’t melting Bic pens with the Bunsen burners, Mr. Beazer!)

It wasn’t until I had the notion to write a fan fiction story based on Catherine Marshall’s book Christy that I wrote a story simply because I wanted to write one. That in turn let to some devotional stories being penned for family members, more fan fiction stories, and eventually two writing courses, a blog, and many National Novel Writing Month entries. In fact, I don’t think I’ve quit writing since that initial story all those years ago. Mind you, I’ve debated quitting many times as I’ve questioned if I actually had the ability or was just deluding myself as to my ‘talents’. Then there are the questions of whether I really have the time to properly devote to such endeavours, and (as a Christian) if this is what God really wants me to be doing, and is there any point to fictional stories (which I truly enjoy working on when not typing up blog entries)? Then there are the many uncompleted stories I have occupying computer bytes, file folders, and a binder or two.

Yet here I continue to sit, fingers clicking away on the keyboard and ideas bouncing around in my head. I think writing is more difficult at times for writers as per Mr. Mann’s quote, but at the same time also find the greater difficulty for myself (and many other writers I would imagine) lies in not writing. Actually, I think that’s true for anyone’s gifting, or their calling, even, if you will. We’re all wired a certain way and created on purpose with a purpose to fulfill here on earth. To not do that, to try to ‘fit’ our selves into something else is like wearing a too-small shoe: It pinches and makes it difficult to keep moving forward.

I can’t be the only one who thinks on these things – what about you? What do you think you’re meant to be doing? And are you doing it? Maybe we can all encourage each other put on the right pair of shoes for the journey.

Everything

2010-12-06T12:02:00.001-07:00

Another year is drawing to a close and again I find myself in a reflective mood. What had I hoped to accomplish in 2010? Did I accomplish it, any of it? If yes, what and why? If not, what and why and what needs to be changed so I don’t keep going in circles? It is a time to be honest, sometimes painfully so, and sometimes it requires the help of other people as we don’t always see things in us or around us that need to be worked on.

And again, I find myself chewing on Romans 8:27-28 (Message):

[God’s Spirit] knows us far better than we know ourselves,

knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.

That’s why we can be so sure that every detail

in our lives of love for God is worked

into something good.

So the things I ‘got right’ this year . . . the things I messed up or completely missed the boat on . . . God can work it into something good. I can’t do a thing about it, but God . . . He created the universe out of nothing; by the power of His words He put stars, planets, and so many things into the initially empty, shapeless void, so surely He can create something good out of all the bits ‘n’ pieces of this life.

Then the next question is where do I go from this point on?

Vain Repetitions

2010-11-29T11:30:00.001-07:00

It has been almost 13 hours since I crossed the finish line for 2010’s National Novel Writing Month with a tidy word cushion thanks to more days than not of meeting or exceeding a daily 1700 word count goal. And I almost hate to say this as many people have cheered me on, but it all feels, even after a good night’s rest, rather anti-climactic.

Seriously -- what's the big deal? And I don't think I'm subconsciously looking for pats on the back or a 'well done' or 'but you wrote 50,000 words in a month whereas I'm lucky to write a haiku in an hour' or other such things. At least I don't think I am, but I've been wrong before in regards to what motivates me, so I may very well be wrong again.

Honestly, though -- there is something not sitting right in regards to this whole endeavor and it's frustrating that I cannot put my finger on it. This isn't exactly the post-NaNoWriMo post I was expecting to make, but it's where I find myself at this point in time.

"Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher;

"Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."

- Ecclesiastes 1:2 (NKJ)

And maybe therein lies the rub, to loosely quote Shakespeare. Were the the past 28 days merely an exercise in vanity for me, a big old "look at what I can do" moment?

Only by bringing this to God, I believe, can my questions truly be sorted out. But I do hope I'll be more careful/mindful of my motives for taking on projects in the future because this 'meh' feeling after neglecting, really, so many things makes me wonder if what I gained in the end was worth it.

Dropped It

2010-11-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

I have a memory of walking through a parking lot with my mom and younger sister when we were all a fair spot younger than we are now. All of us had just got an ice cream cone, but as it happens with many kids with many ice cream cones the world over, my younger sister's treat fell on the ground and quickly began to melt on the hot asphalt. Understandably, she was not amused. It is never a happy thing to lose a treat, to drop something you were looking forward to having and enjoying.

This memory bubbled up after I came across the following quote today:

No expectations leads to no disappointment.

Really? That is a good outlook to have on life? Expect nothing? And then have no disappointments? But then I take the time to look back on this day in particular, and the disappointments that have coloured and shaded aspects of it (all due to poor decisions on my part), and I do wonder if I had not gone into the day with any expectations of what I would accomplish, if I would not have been disappointed by what I failed to accomplish.

No expectations . . . no disappointments.

Yet . . . does it not also hold that no expectations indicate there are no goals . . . no hopes . . . no dreams? Imagine going through life with nothing to look forward to, to anticipate like an ice cream cone on a hot summer's afternoon.

Pretty bleak, isn't it?

I will agree, though, it is the pits to have something you were looking forward to fall out of your hand to the ground, ruined and never to be savoured or enjoyed. I will not say life is without its disappointments. But there is One who has the remedy, who can take our disappointments and bring something good out of them (Romans 8:28). And He made a pretty spectacular promise way before He sent His Son to die for our sins and open the door once again to an eternal relationship with Him should we choose to accept His invitation and cross that threshold:

"Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert."

~ Isaiah 43:18, 19 (NKJ)

God isn't promising a life without disappointments, missed opportunities or setbacks. He knows we're not going to 'get it right' every time. That's why He says He will set it right. Lost in the wilderness of the mess you've made? He'll make a road to help you get out of it. Wandering lost in the dry heat of the desert, ready to collapse? He'll make rivers -- not just a river, but rivers.

My sister shed tears over the loss of her ice cream cone. But they didn't stick around for long as our mom, without any hesitation, gave sis her ice cream cone. And the melting ice cream was given nary a second glance.

That's how things can be for us, too, if we'll take what God gives us to replace that which now lies behind us. A road in a wilderness, rivers in a desert, and an ice cream cone on a hot summer's day.

Ain't No Mountain High Enough*

2010-11-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

Actually, scratch that. There are probably mountains high enough to physically keep me from doing something. Like Mount Everest. Or the one to the left -- it looks really huge. But I digress. Slightly.

I'm almost at the halfway point for National Novel Writing Month in regards to the date, and am officially there in regards to my word count with the bit I've managed to type out today. And I've thought of quitting and chucking my story with all its twists and turns a number of times over the last fourteen days. But as I've had to remind myself repeatedly (and this year in particular as my Inner Editor is proving to be a tenacious little thing) that is part of the challenge. The goal is not necessarily to write well, but to just get the words (and hopefully a somewhat cohesive story) out. The polishing and fixing and revising comes later, once the structure is there. It's like building a house -- you don't start with the paint and the furniture and all the things that make a house a home. You start with the mess of digging a hole for the foundation, pouring concrete, putting up beams, mudding and taping drywall. And even renovations (and revisions when working with a story) can be messy. Yet not many people would complain about the end results when the mess is cleaned up and order is restored. Unless they had horrible contractors. But again, I digress. This time, greatly.

But it is easy to do things like talk about writing books or renovating homes, and even about climbing mountains. Yet as many people know who have tried climbing mountains both real and figurative, it's another thing to actually get out there and do it. But is it worth it?

That I cannot answer for you. I can't tell you if the cost will be worth what you hope to gain (and actually gain) in the end. And I don't want you to climb any old mountain. You see, you shouldn't be climbing a mountain just for the sake of the climb. Consider these words Jesus spoke to His disciples:

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it -- lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him . . ." --Luke 14: 28-29 (NKJ)

Again, you have to take into account the cost of what you're about to do. And if you don't, you may very well be mocked. And who likes that?

Now I'd like to wrap this all up with some awesome question or insight, but I do have about 900 more words to write and I think my Inner Editor is finally sleeping . . .

*The weekly blog entry is, yes, a day early as tomorrow I work all day instead of my customary half day. In case anyone was wondering. ;-)

Ummm . . .

2010-11-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

"Be obscure clearly."

~ E.B. White

It's Day Eight of National Novel Writing Month and I have yet to form any sort of a plot for my story. I also have yet to have sort of a concrete idea for this here lovely blog (at least I think it's lovely), but didn't want anyone to think I had fallen off the face of the earth. I'm just stuck between tapping away in my Scrivner project file for this year's NaNo entry and surfing the net, wondering when I'll hit upon some brilliant idea that will leave my typing until my fingers are numb. Or something like that.

Are any of you tackling the NaNoWriMo challenge? Or know someone who is? What are your thoughts on this madcap literary adventure?

The Game, Mrs. Hudson, Is On!

2010-11-01T11:55:00.000-06:00

Ah, yes! It is that time of year where once again people close to me question my sanity and, perhaps, wonder when they will 'for realsies' get to look at what it is, exactly, I have come up with by midnight on Nov. 30th.

I am talking about this:

That's right -- I'm in the beginning stages of my 50,000 word novel. For more information head over to http://www.nanowrimo.org .

Now to get another 307 words on the screen before heading to work . . .

Quality or Speed?

2010-10-25T12:00:00.001-06:00

Badness you can get easily, in quantity;

the road is smooth, and it lies close by,

But in front of excellence the immortal gods have put sweat,

and long and steep is the way to it.

- Hesiod (Greek poet)

Just this morning I was printing some photos from a trip my husband and I took (hence the lack of blog updates). The pictures printed in quick succession, but when I pulled them off the printer there were 3-4 horizontal lines running through each one. Briefly I debated keeping them as the dozen pictures are for me to pass around at work. But the debate quickly ended (as the pictures went in the trash) once I took another look at how nice everything looked on my computer screen. Another batch was printed after I tweaked the printer settings (I literally was able to pick ‘quality’ over ‘speed’), and now I’m waiting for the ink to dry. Ate up a bit more of my morning, and it did cost me some extra photo paper, but the end results are worth it.

Many things in life are like this. We try to take shortcuts with jobs or chores or even relationships. Or we think the more we do, the better, even if what we are producing – the fruit we are bearing – is not really all that good. In Western culture especially, I think, we have forgotten how to take our time with things. Everything is so ‘go-go-go’ and ‘Now!’ and fast.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying we should dawdle through everything. There are situations and such for which we need to pick up the pace and get things done. Beating around the bush, after all, gets frustrating and can get one stuck in a rut. And dilly-dallying isn’t exactly a quality use of our time. It’s badness, as it were, at a slower pace.

As with all things in life, there is a balance to be found and seasons to go through. So find yours – live a quality life – one with purpose and meaning and, yes, even sweat and tears. The benefits, I am beginning to realize, are worth it.

And if you’re looking for some guidance, check out Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years to learn how to tell a good story with your life.

Please Hold

2010-10-07T08:54:00.001-06:00

Our internet connection was down for a few days. Not an earth-shattering event by any stretch, really, but it was an inconvenience mainly in regards to keeping up with my usual Monday updates. Add to that the troubles I’ve been having with my computer at work and preparations for an upcoming trip*, and, well, there has been some frustrations this week.

Ah, waiting. It’s not always a fun thing to do, is it? Especially when it involves things we’d like to be doing. Shoot, it even holds for things we don’t want to be doing. We’d like the waiting to be done and over with so we can either get the unpleasant task done and over with, or to the fun ‘n’ games.

Yet there are times where we must wait. I remember waiting for the right time to be done my housecleaning job. It paid well, I more or less set my own hours, and overall I worked for really good people. But after ten years, I was ready for a change. I tried to hurry things along by dropping a couple of my out-of-the-way clients, but both part-time jobs I held fizzled out in turn. Then I was hired as a teacher’s assistant at a school in the neighbouring town. Again, it was a good experience overall but a job for the next school year was uncertain as the child I had been working with had progressed to the point of no longer needing an aide. And just when I was wondering “What next?” I was offered a job with the company I am still employed with. Oh, initially it was a scary time. I was very much out of my comfort zone. Everything was new, and I knew my boss beforehand and didn’t want him to regret hiring me, and so on and so forth. But you know what? It ended up being the best job I have had to date. I was given opportunities to grow and learn new things. And I did learn and grow. It didn’t stay scary and unfamiliar.

Now I find myself waiting again for direction and ‘the right time’ as I ponder making changes in this, that and the other. But this time I don’t want to get ahead of God. I want to move when He says move, stay when He tells me to stay. It’s not always easy. I’m not always patient. But I’m finally realizing the consequences of impatiently taking off on my own are not worth it, either.

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So . . . get on your way.

- Dr. Seuss

*I will not be updating for the next two weeks due to said trip.

Step by Step by Step by . . .

2010-09-27T11:54:00.001-06:00

Today has been more of a struggle than the last few weeks have been in regards to doing my weekly blog posting. I’ve had to fight off the urge to dawdle with just about anything else and get my butt not only into the chair in front of my computer, but to quit reading what other people have taken the time to sit down and write (even as it made me tear up and laugh and think).

Then I was reminded of something I read on Twitter from the associate pastor at my church:

Most growth happens as a result of many small steps.

The key is to keep taking them.

- Darryl Harms

Now this may not be big news to many of you. However, I’m the type of person who has tended to (I’m starting to change!) look at the sum of everything that needs to be done for a project, become totally overwhelmed by the perceived vastness of it all and end up doing nothing. It could be changing a habit, giving my house a thorough cleaning, preparing for a trip, or working on a writing project. But I’ll see the point where I want to be or need to be, be overwhelmed by the distance between Point A and Point B and then sit down on the road and there I sit. The irony is I’m not content in my current position, my spot of inactivity either. I want to move forward, but I feel like I have no clue as to how to get going.

No journey is made in one fell swoop, with one giant leap. I didn’t move from being a baby to a 38-year-old woman in a blink of an eye. I didn’t learn how to drive after getting behind the wheel only one time. There are many things in this life where perhaps the best thing to do, really, is to yes, keep the destination in mind while focusing only on the next step. Don’t look back at all the times you tried before and failed, don’t look at how far away Point B is from your current location. Don’t get caught up in all the things needing to be done today or tomorrow or this week.

Pause. Take a breath. Look at what you can do next. And take another step.

The LORD directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

For the LORD holds them by the hand.

- Psalm 37: 23, 24 (NLT)

5 Random Things About Me

2010-09-22T11:24:00.000-06:00

Inspired by the lovely ladies at words 'n' whimsy and Musings of a writer-in-progess *and* because I am a) waiting for floors to dry and b) now without 'lunch out' plans, here are 5 random things about me:

1. I think I would actually love it if all the clothes my husband and I owned did not need to be ironed, ever. In fact, my husband would probably love it too as he'd have more shirts to choose from at any given time.

2. There is a part of me that would like to get up on the stage and make people laugh with the ease with which some others can, but another (and stronger, judging by how often I avoid it) part of me that is petrified of it at the same time. I feel like a walking oxymoron . . .

3. I still carry around too much regret over stuff I cannot change.

4. Sometimes when I look around my house I wonder if x number of years down the road, I"ll end up on "Hoaders: Buried Alive" with little pop-up notes about how the production crew lost a member while setting up for filming.

5. When I see people doing what they're supposed to be doing, what they were (if you will) made to do, it really does my heart good. And it makes me smile.

Well Now I Do

2010-09-20T11:49:00.000-06:00

As soon as I saw the above cartoon on my 2010 Non Sequitur desk calendar, the passage in Romans where Paul talks about doing all the things that are wrong even though he doesn’t really want to do them came to mind, particularly the part in chapter 7, verse 15 (NLT):

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right,
but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

And I, along with many others (Christian or not), can relate to Paul’s frustrations or, at the very least, the sentiment in the cartoon. As kids we weren’t supposed to pass notes in class. But we did it anyways. (Hmmm – how does that work now with texting?) Whatever our age, we’re not supposed to jaywalk, but I have to confess I’ve done it . . . and then been enough of a hypocrite to be annoyed with those who do it when I’m driving. Christians are not supposed to judge others, are supposed to treat others the way they want to be treated, are to love God with everything they’ve got. Yet at one time or another I’ve failed at all of those things. Sometimes all at once; and I am not a one-time offender. Honestly, it would be very easy to go along with the following bit of logic:

Well then, should we keep on sinning
so that God can show us more and more
of His wonderful grace?
-Romans 6:1 (NLT)

But God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). And there is the verse after the one quoted above to consider:

I should hope not! If we’ve left the country
where sin is sovereign, how can we
still live in our old house there?
- Romans 6:2 (The Message)

Isaiah 42:20 talks about things the Israelites had not been doing. They saw and recognized what was right, but refused to act on it. They heard God’s commandments and instructions, but they weren’t really paying attention to them or to His prophets. And we can be the same way when it comes to laws and rules and regulations – both with God’s and in regards to ‘the law of the land’. So what do we do?

We can do what Paul said – live a new life in a new land, entering into Christ’s being-here-for us, freed from a life lived in bondage to sin and death (Romans 6:3, 8:1-2 The Message). To put it another way (and as I have highlighted Isaiah 42:17 in my Bible):

See and recognize what is right.
Act on it.
Hear with your ears.
Really listen.

Pack Up Your Troubles

2010-09-13T09:18:00.000-06:00

Worry is a misuse of imagination.
- Tommy Tenney

As it has often been said in one way or another by several people – Do what you're good at. Well I'm good at worrying, so does it not follow that is what I should do? At least that's is what I've told my husband on more than one occasion when he has told me not to worry about something. (Matthew 6:27 is true, otherwise I would be as tall as my 6' 3” husband . . .) Yet, Christian or not, there is an inherent flaw to that logic for anyone who thinks they should worry because he or she is good at it. And that would be this:

It accomplishes nothing good or productive.

Think about it. Does it make the situation you're worried about less scary? Do you feel better prepared for a test when you go into it with worry nipping at your heels? Does it give you confidence? Peace? Hope?

Oh, be honest now – you know it doesn't do any of those things. In fact, worry only serves to amplify the scariness of the unknown; it muddles your memory and can leave you uncertain, unsure, agitated, and bordering on hopeless if it's not properly checked and reigned in. But looking at what you're worried about and why can lead to some positive actions if dealt with properly. Worried about an upcoming test? You can choose to study more for it. A new situation have you on edge, uncertain? Research it as best you can, prepare for what you can prepare for and leave what you can't do anything about with God.

Yes, God – Christians are instructed in Proverbs 3: 5-6 to trust in the Lord with all their heart, mind, and soul and to not lean on their own understanding. And the best thing Christians can do is take their worries to God in prayer. He knows all the things people have need of, all the longings in every heart. And He know the way in which those needs and wants can best be met for the benefit of the individual and all those around him or her. Eugene H. Peterson expresses it succinctly in The Message, his popular paraphrase of the Bible:

Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.
- 1 Peter 5:7

So we have a choice. Do we pack up our worries and leave them with God? Or carry them with us, day in and day out, weighing us down with every step?

And if you need some help, some hope, here is an excerpt from a letter sent to the Jewish leaders in the midst of their Babylonian captivity:

For I know the thoughts that I think
toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of
peace and not of evil, to give you
a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJ)

Comfort vs. Growth

2010-09-06T17:59:00.000-06:00

“You cannot grow, AND hang onto your comfort
at the same time.” -- Deborah Stewart

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
-- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (Message)

I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of hard/difficult/can't-really-plan-for-them times. I like a certain predictability (most of the time) to my days and for things to go along at a nice, steady pace. No big surprises or bumps in the road that leave me without an idea as to what is going to happen next, please and thank you. Yet how often does God actually operate that way? One needs only to read the stories of many people in the Bible – Abraham, Joseph, Job, Hosea and Paul to name but a few – and look at the lives of Christians around them and even at one's own life to see the uncertainties we are often faced with in this life.

And so much of Western culture is opposite of what we find in God's Word. Life is to be easy, comfortable, profitable and free of unpleasant shocks and surprises. At least that's what I hear.

But God isn't interested in our comfort and ease of life as much as He is in getting the word out about His love, mercy, salvation, and impending judgement for those who choose to reject Him. And for those who have chosen to follow Him, He wants to achieve in us the following:

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
-- Micah 6:8 (NKJ)

Sometimes experiencing an injustice helps us to do justly. Or having someone be unmerciful towards us seeds in our hearts a strong appreciation of mercy both received and given. Perhaps having our castles and dreams . . . our idols, really, topple to the ground will open our cloudy eyes to the greatness of the God who gives us all the breath we need to live each day.

God does want to bless us. He wants to give us good things. He has good things in store for us. Read Jeremiah 29: 11 – 14a. And John 3:16, along with 1 Thessalonians 5: 23 – 24. Those aren't bad things, are they? So we – and I heartily include myself – need to keep 2 Corinthians 4: 16 – 18 in mind, particularly verse 17: These short-term troubles lead to long-term rewards.

Abraham experienced the reward – at least the beginnings of it via Isaac. As did Joseph and Job and Hosea and Paul. Maybe they didn't see it all this side of heaven and had to wait until they got to the 'other side'. But seen it they have for the One who made the promises to them and makes them to us today is faithful (2 Thessalonians 5: 24). Remember that when you're being pulled and stretched and are growing. And remember, too, you are not alone.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand
of the throne of God.
-- Hebrews 12: 1-2 (NKJ)

Take This In

2010-08-30T11:47:00.004-06:00

There is a lot bombarding us every day as Christians. I can't be the only one who sees it. We're called to go out into the world to share the gospel, to be salt and light, to not stay holed up in our own little groups, guarding the gift of salvation as if it were the last food ration to be had amongst starving people. (Ooooh, I need to give myself a kick in the butt and get out there more myself!)

But before I go off on a rabbit trail, I don't know about you but I can't shut off all the accompanying noise in the world I'm in daily but not of (John 17: 14-16). There is a lot out there – music, books, movies, television shows and the like. There is a lot that can easily be avoided. And sometimes we know all the ways to avoid things, yet still make stupid choices. Other times there is stuff that is mostly good, with bits of garbage to wade through as well. It can be crazy and distracting, to say the least. Even frustrating.

So what can we do? Is there a magic pill or an easy 5-step program to follow to help us be in this crazy world, be salt and light, and not fall prey to its, well, mess?

Oh, there is!

First off, this personally encouraged me a great deal when I read it this morning:

Do not let your heart envy sinners,
But be zealous for the fear of the LORD all
the day;
For surely there is a hereafter,
And your hope will not be cut off.
~ Proverbs 23:17-18 (NKJ)

I was also thinking about the different times I've heard how we're to encourage one another as Christians to keep the faith, keep doing the right things, to keep on running this marathon race we're in called life. This in turn got me to thinking about the word 'encourage'.

Encourage is a verb made up of the prefix 'en' and the noun 'courage'. We're all familiar with what courage is -- according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary (very cool, by the way) it is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty”.

Now what about the prefix 'en'? I wasn't really clear on what it added to the word courage, so I decided to some digging. Again, according to Merriam-Webster, when it is added to a noun and subsequently forms a verb (as is the case with 'encourage'), it means one of two things:

1.to cause to be
2.to put into or onto, cover with, go into or onto

Think about it. When you encourage someone, you are causing them to be courageous. You're putting courage into or onto them, and even covering them with courage! Wow!

It really makes me read the following passage from Hebrews in a new light:

My friends, watch out! Don't let evil thoughts or doubts make any of you turn from the living God. You must encourage one another each day. And you must keep on while there is still a time that can be called "today." If you don't, then sin may fool some of you and make you stubborn. We were sure about Christ when we first became his people. So let's hold tightly to our faith until the end.
~Hebrews 3:12-14 (CEV, emphasis added)

So while we're in this world, yet not of it, lets look for those we can put some courage into today and also take in what we ourselves need.

Ripples

2010-08-23T12:08:00.003-06:00

It is sort of amazing, in a way, how simply overhauling one's eating habits can affect one's entire routine.

Take my husband and I for example. Our mornings usually consisted of us sleeping as long as possible before he would head out the door for work, breakfast in hand, and I would go about my morning as I ate breakfast on the go before starting my job in the afternoon.

But now that we're on a new diet with an emphasis on smaller, more frequent meals with lots of fresh veggies and fruit, we now have breakfast together. And I'm up earlier to make what he can eat during the workday. Then today I had to pop out and get *more* groceries so this evening we can easey-peasey head out to the family camp our church is having over the next 4 days. So this meant not much time for writing, not much yet being added to my pedometer count (it's a work-related fitness challenge), and a really quick writing session because if I don't do it now, well . . .

It's sort of crazy, isn't it?

And in a way, when God asks us to change things it can have the same, far-reaching ripple effect. Take Matthew 22:35-40 (NLT):

One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

On the surface, they look simple enough and maybe even easy. But take a moment and think of the far-reaching effects to be had in your life, in the lives of those around you, and in your community if you really, truly lived these commandments out. It would be something great, to be sure.

So lets do it. Lets get a good ripple effect going.

Something . . . Perfect

2010-08-16T20:59:00.004-06:00

“Age wrinkles the body.
Quitting wrinkles the soul.”
~ Douglas MacArthur

I was thinking about this, that 'n' the other (I won't bore you with the details), while wondering what to write for an overdue entry here. (About that, read the beginning of the sentence.) And I was reminded of something I had jotted down awhile ago in the Notes section of my iPhone.

Here's the story:

Back in June I was reorganizing some stuff in my office and realized I needed something to help me better organize my pens, office odds 'n' ends, and a growing collection of sticky notes. I went to Office Depot, Staples, Chapters and Wal-Mart, hoping to find the perfect thing or at the very least, something decent for a really good price. Nothing I saw was what I had in mind.

Wait . . .

I didn't even really have anything in mind. When asked by my husband what I was looking for I replied “I'll know when I see it.”

Not exactly helpful, I know, but that was the thing – I didn't know what I was looking for exactly. What I did know was what I hadn't seen it yet. I also discovered I wasn't willing to settle for something just because it was 'cheap' or because 'it would do'. So in somewhat of a last-ditch effort when I was in London Drugs looking for a few other things, I checked out their small stationary section, where I came across this (mine has one less drawer):

It didn't even take ten seconds for me to know this was it. It holds my pens and sticky notes and paper clips and odds 'n' ends. In other words, it was exactly what I was looking for -- just in a place I was not expecting it to be.

And aren't answers to prayer often the same way? (Unless I'm the only one who has preconceived ideas of how my prayers should sometimes be answered. Nah, that can't be it!) I mean, even in the Bible we see people expecting things to happen one way and go in another direction entirely (or so it seems to the people praying).

Take Jesus' arrival on the Earth. A King was born. One who would rescue ransomed Israel. Bring hope and freedom to the world. That was what the prophets were saying, right? And wasn't that what the people were praying for? Hoping for?

Yet there are those who missed Him. He was not born in a luxurious palace. There was no room in any inn in Bethlehem, so He was born in a stable. He did not come with a host of heaven's armies to do battle against Israel's oppressors. He came with commandments to “love God with all you are, with all you got” and “treat other people the way you want to be treated”. He spoke of troubles and peace, loss and life, of being free and following Him.

Not exactly the big, powerful, 'gonna kick some bad guy butt' that people may have been hoping for at that point in time.

But many people have answered His call and chosen to follow Him in all the years since then. They haven't always known what they were looking for . . . yet they knew when they saw Him that He was it, knew that knowing Him was what they needed most in their lives. And as they got to know Him, read their Bibles and received solid teaching and prayed, well, they have found His answers. If they paid attention. Because God's answers don't always come in the places or ways or manners in which we expect them to . . . or want them too.

And sometimes we don't know the answer until we see it. But when we do, well . . . we know it's perfect.

Well . . .

2010-08-02T17:31:00.003-06:00

. . . the plan has been to do a new post every Monday. Last week that didn't work out very well as I was on vacation (in lovely Fernie, British Columbia!), though I did update later in the week. However, it all seems to have left me a little dry/uninspired for today. I'm really trying to not repeat myself either, so on that note look for something 'new-new' next Monday!

Thank you for your patience!

Overboard

2010-07-29T10:51:00.002-06:00

Just yesterday I finished reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller and consequently have things such as lifeboats and relationships and the bigness and greatness of God all floating around my brain. It feels a bit messy, actually. It reminds me of how I felt out at the lake a couple of days ago. The ground was a sludgy, unstable mess and even though my husband insisted I could, I didn't feel as though I had the strength to keep myself afloat.

Blargh.

But as I've read in the Bible (my apologies for the exact reference escapes me and I'm not on my regular computer where it's easier to look it up), if I hold too tightly onto my life I'll lose it. Yet if I lose my life then I'll truly find it. Sounds like a paradox or an oxymoron to be sure . . . however there is something freeing in the thought I can't nor am I supposed to, really, be in control of everything in my life. Not that I'm not an active particpant in things. I'm not, however, to try to micromanage everything either. There is a balance. I just need to take up the easy yoke and light burden Jesus promised He has for me in order to find it.

Somtimes . . . Well, Always, a Step at a Time

2010-07-19T20:47:00.002-06:00

About 17 years ago I was in the apartment my older sister lived in at the time, for reasons I can't remember and with me was the man who is now my husband. We were waiting for said sister to finish something up, I think, before going for coffee or something and listening to a mixed tape someone had made for her. It was a mix of artists new to me – among them Keith Green, Petra, and perhaps even Michael W. Smith – and one song in particular stood out for me. Called “Sometimes by Step”, it was by Rich Mullins (who I still count among my favourites) and it was this bit in particular which has stuck with me throughout the years:

And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

Too often I focus on how steep the path before me is and how far I have yet to go to reach a goal or destination. The bigness of the picture overwhelms me and I plop down on my butt (sometimes metaphorically and literally), convinced I cannot possibly do that, not after waiting so much time on this and there I stay and fiddle with the things that don't seem so big or scary.

I was facing a steep path (which was possibly just a blown-out-of-proportion hill) this morning, and was struggling with how, exactly, to move forward from the point I currently found myself at. (As much as I may try to in my head, I can't change the past or the future and thereby alter my present. Darn it . . . I think . . .)

Anyhow . . . Where to go? What to do? And I'd like to say I do have it all sorted out along with a lovely little map or list of directions sitting beside me to help me stay on track. But I don't.

Okay, I know God does know all my days, that He has a good future mapped out for me, but sometimes . . . well, this is one of those times where I need to keep the following firmly in mind:

So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its
own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.
- Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

On the surface, it is not the most encouraging of verses. I don't like to hear about having worries or troubles. But before verse 34, Jesus was telling His disciples to not worry about food or clothing or shelter, but to seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and He would give them everything they needed. Including the means and the ability to take the steps on the journey for that day.

Great works of art are not painted with a single brush stroke. Great stories are not told in one sentence or within the very first draft. There are revisions, mistakes, multiple strokes and a myriad of words. And there are thousands upon thousands of steps made in a journey. And even when it gets hard or tricky or steep, God is there, holding our hand firmly in His own. We (and I include myself in this camp) just need to remember to not let go of His.

Though [the godly] stumble, they will never fall,
for the LORD holds them by the hand.
- Psalms 37:24 (NLT)

Kinship

2010-07-12T20:40:00.003-06:00

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used
to think. It's splendid to find out there are
so many of them in the world.”
~ L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

My 20-year high school reunion was this past weekend. I didn't go. Not that I have anything against high school reunions, mind you. Well, not hugely at any rate. I did go to my 10-year high school reunion and it was an overall fun and nice experience as I caught up with various people who I had not seen much of since June 1990. And as is customary at such events, contact information was exchanged along with decisions to do a better job of keeping in touch. Only thing is, another ten years can pass and one finds out there has been no greater degree of contact established, never mind maintained, with the people one grew up with.

So it seems only fitting for thoughts of kinship and community and commonality to have been swirling around in my mind for the last number of weeks. Who are my friends? Why are we friends? What things to we share in common? What are our differences and why does the relationship sometimes seem to work in spite of them?

You see, in school I was very much the shy, quiet, studious type. And even as I tried in my own ways to break out of that mould, to be my own person, it was the label that stuck with me. To be honest, it irritated me. (It was just a bit, mind you, as I had no moment of standing up during a school assembly to proclaim such things to my peers (too embarrassing!).) But I believe that desire to not be seen as I was led, in part, to my decision to not attend the recent school reunion. That and the fact my old friends and I didn't keep in touch all that much after our 10th reunion. I'm not bitter about it . . . it's how things worked out. And then there are times when, like my mother, I can be terribly unsentimental about things such as reunions.

But rather than dwell on things I cannot change, I am thankful to have found some places where I do fit, to know people who have been allowed to see me with all my quirks and who still want to hang out with me. There is my wonderful husband, who has helped me be less shy and quiet; my sisters, who I count among my closest friends, who knew me as I was and know me as I am; my church family, many who have done so much to help me get to where I am now. There are some lovely, big-hearted people I have yet to all meet in person, but who I count among my friends; and there are even people I don't really know at all but who share similar outlooks and bents with me in regards to faith, love, and laughter, and in looking at the world in general.

And as I continue to grow and change (it really is a life-long process, isn't it?), my hope is I will continue to find kindred spirits. They really aren't as scarce as one would sometimes think. You just have to get out there and look.

For a Moment

2010-07-03T16:28:00.006-06:00

It can be hard to pursue your passion in obscurity, with little to no support. Take Vincent Van Gogh. His talent was little appreciated during his lifetime by those around him (save for a few, such as his brother Theo). Couple that with serious bouts of anxiety, depression, and mental illness and you may have met a man in 1888's Arles, France who would have happily sold a painting if only in exchange for a drink.

What would it have been like for Van Gogh to have seen the impact his work ultimately had on the art world, to see the place he would have in history, especially in regards to the work he did in the last few years of his life?

This was a 'what if' scenario brilliantly played out on last week's episode of the British sci-fi program Doctor Who titled "Vincent and the Doctor". The Doctor, a time-and-space travelling alien from the planet of Gallifrey, travels in his ship -- the TARDIS -- righting what wrongs he can and often saving Earth from numerous alien invasions and evil plots (usually from London, England). In last week's episode, he and his travelling companion Amy Pond (not an alien) go to 1888 Arles, France, to help Vincent Van Gogh battle an alien creature that only the tortured painter can see. And at the end, the Doctor decides to take Van Gogh -- an artist both he and Amy have been thrilled to meet -- on a little trip.

It's a moment that Van Gogh felt would change everything, even as he noted (with some embarrassment) upon the trio's return to 1888 Arles that his painting of some haystacks had made it into the museum. But as Amy and the Doctor discovered, his life still ended at the age of 37. Amy felt they had made no impact on the man's life. But as the Doctor noted, they did make some changes as discovered via a lovely little shout-out to Ms. Pond (who Vincent was rather fond of in a very sweet way) via Van Gogh's very well-known painting of a vase of sunflowers.

So don't underestimate the power of a word of encouragement, a comforting hug, or even a smile. You may not ultimately help alter the course of a person's life. But sometimes all they -- all we, really -- need is to know what we're doing matters. That we matter.

If only for a moment.

Not Too Late

2010-06-28T12:06:00.001-06:00

“It gets late too early out there.” -- Yogi Berra

It's super-duper casual day at my 'sort of new' job today. Forget casually dressy pants, a nice shirt, and a pair of snazzy shoes. This morning I'm wearing my gray cotton capris, a yellow T-shirt with a coffee cup on the front with 'Start me up' underneath it and my AE flip-flops. Clinton and Stacy from TLC's What Not to Wear would be horrified, to say the least. Though they could be secretly jealous of the comfort in which I am working. Maybe . . .

But in my defense:

1. I am working at home.
2. I was running a little bit late (even home offices need business hours).
3. Did I mention I'm working at home?

My morning job is only 'sort of new' as it involves something I've been doing for quite some time now: Writing. And as I have been reminded of again, a writer can't wait for inspiration to hit before sitting down to put words on the page. And as July fast approaches and I look at the goals I set out at the beginning of year, I'm realizing I've got some work to do. Plus my old routines are producing squat, so it's time to get on a new track.

On that note, something I'm *finally* starting to realize (in a 'put-it-into-practice' way) is beating myself into a pulp over my past mistakes is not going to produce the sort of changes I want to see. Not in my writing or in my life overall. But again, as with many things, one needs to maintain a proper balance. I'm not to be all 'loosey-goosey' with my sins and mistakes, traipsing off into the sunset with nary a morsel of remorse as I look forward to another day. David wrote in Psalm 51:17 “. . . a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” In other words, I need to be repentant, to feel remorse and the need for forgiveness when I do wrong.

And there is another potential stumbling block I need to be careful of as well: The desire to fix my mistakes myself (and the time I waste when I actually try to do such a thing).

As Jon Acuff wrote on his blog – Stuff Christians Like – under the entry titled Two “F” Words:

I think satan wants us to thing our past is fixable. God wants us to know our past is forgivable.

There's a world of difference between those two words fixable and forgivable. One is about human effort and sweat and heartache and staying in the mud. One is about grace and mercy and white snow and sacrifice we can't imagine.

So fixed or forgiven? Mud or white snow?

Which one will you choose?

I know which way I want (and need) to go. And because God is full of grace and mercy, it's not too late to start even with the calendar being halfway through 2010. Not for you and not for me.

Redecorating

2010-06-11T23:07:00.001-06:00

Yes, I've redecorated (as it were). Any thoughts on the new decor? And I removed the stat counter at the bottom -- it didn't seem to be working anymore. :-p

Trading Shoes

2010-05-27T11:42:00.003-06:00

"Experience breeds empathy. It's hard to judge the muddy when your feet are dirty too." --Jon Acuff

Have you ever said something in a sincere attempt to be helpful or comforting to someone, only to find out later you possibly could not have said a stupider thing?

Case in point: A number of years ago a friend of mine gave birth prematurely to her son. In an attempt to be helpful, I mentioned she was fortunate to be so close to the hospital as when my mom had me three months early, the hospital was a two-hour drive away. It wasn't until said friend was telling someone else in a group I was part of that it's very hard to leave your baby in the hospital no matter how close the hospital is that I realized the idiocy of my supposedly helpful comment.

(insert face palm here)

Not exactly a moment where I was being a great reflection of Christ now, was it?

I could give many more examples of where my attempts at helpfulness were anything but, but that would become tedious, and well, honestly, rather embarrassing for me. The point is, it's often hard to know the right thing to say or do unless you've been in a similar situation. It's easy to give advice when you're not in the thick of things.

On the other hand, I'm not saying we need to have shared someone's experience before we have any right or authority to speak into a situation or to be able to show some empathy. I think the lesson I'm finally starting to learn is I don't have to try and fix everything. Often times the best things I (and we) can do are a) listen, b) pray for guidance, and c) take a step back and ask myself what I would find helpful if I was in the other person's shoes.

Another example: My dad just went through a longer-than-planned hospital stay that was all kinds of crazy (and I mean 'crazy crazy', not 'regular crazy'). Long-ish story short, I was able to step back while my mom was venting her frustrations and remember my own frustrations when my husband went through chemotherapy a couple of years back. And rather than my usual “Fix it!” setting springing into gear, I was able instead to just listen and admit I didn't have the answers as to why things were working out the way they were. And when I was alone, I took a moment to pray for God to help us and guide us.

It's not always easy or convenient to take our shoes off and put on someone else's . . . but I'm starting to realize the short-term inconvenience reaps long-term benefits for all those involved. And it allows us to be less of a 'fun house mirror' reflection of Jesus at the same time, which is really the best thing of all.

In Repair

2010-05-17T21:07:00.003-06:00

I'm in repair
I'm not together
But I'm getting there
- "In Repair" by John Mayer

The last twenty minutes or so have been spent clicking through the songs brought up in my iTunes library via the shuffle setting while I've typed, deleted, typed and deleted and typed again various sentences and/or quotes for this blog entry. Nothing that came up in the song queue or in the "New Post" box seemed to be worth listening to or keeping around for posterity's sake.

I feel like that with my life sometimes. Not all of it . . . but a few parts I've been struggling with off and on for however long now. Ah, but I don't want this to turn into another Post of Whining. Seriously, if it gets tiring for *me* to read "I'm struggling with yadee-blah-blah" over and over again, I can well imagine it gets tiring for those who read this blog.

*ahem*

So here goes . . . brace yourselves . . . I'm about to get . . .

. . . positive . . .

I see progress!

I'm learning to let some things go! Some baggage is being dropped!

Now I won't promise you and I it will never be picked up again. I've done that before only to trot back down the road for a 'forgotten' piece of luggage which I then become doubly frustrated with when I acquire more bumps and bruises from lugging around things I know deep down I'm not meant to carry.

Okay, wait -- positive part! Right!

What I do find myself doing more often is putting into practice something R.T. Kendall wrote about in How to Forgive Ourselves - Totally. I can't give a verbatim quote as said book is currently on loan, but the gist of it is this: forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and failures is not necessarily going to be a one-time deal. We may pick up our shame, our guilt, and our regrets again. But rather than beating ourselves up for doing so, what we need to do is forgive ourselves again and again again, until one day we find ourselves so far down the road we can't quite remember where we left that piece of baggage.

And I believe I'm getting there.

I don't have it all 'together' yet.

But I *am* getting there.

I'm in repair.

(And as if that weren't enough, I am also forgiven. How amazing (and humbling?) is that?!)

You, Me & Jesus

2010-05-12T22:44:00.003-06:00

One thing I'm (seemingly) slowly starting to realize in a 'put it into practice' kind of a way is that I can't be like other people. I don't mean I'm all avant garde or any such things . . . it's more of a "I just gotta be me" sort of a thing. Now I can't remember if I mentioned this in an earlier post or not, this doesn't mean I don't want to be open to God's correction, to His chisel. (For an excellent illustration of God's chisel in action check out this video .)

I'm trying to get more in sync with Galatians 6:4-5 (The Message):

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

I like the balance that is in the above passage -- don't be cocky, but don't be too hard on yourself either (which is usually what I'm doing when comparing myself to others). Find out what you're supposed to be doing in this life and then just do it. Not only does this mean you're being obedient to God, it also means you're working in unity with the rest of the body of Christ -- the church. You're not trying to do the youth pastor's job when you're meant to be a youth leader. Nor are you beating yourself up because you're not pastoring like the senior pastor. Basically pick an area where you feel like you don't measure up to someone else and insert Galatians 6:4-5 into it.

Insert *God* into it.

Find out what He wants you to do . . . figure out how He wired you and then allow yourself to be used by Him for His glory.

Easier said than done? Oh, if you're anything like me that's often a loud "Yes!!!" But keep on plugging away. As with any journey, it happens one step at a time.

Be you. Be a reflection of Jesus in this world. Put together with with the rest of His followers, we'll make an amazing picture.

And You Are . . .?

2010-05-10T10:52:00.002-06:00

I don't know how many of the possibly 'just a handful' of people reading this blog paid any attention to the user name I gave myself for here -- The Scribbler -- but if they have, they'll see it has changed. The Scribbler was a rather random name, one I came up with when I was feeling as though I scribbled more than anything else. But pretty near anywhere else I post or write or comment on the internet, I use the moniker of crosscribe. So hence the change by the lovely black-and-white picture of the coffee cup. :-)

It has been a topsy-turvy week in my neck of the woods. My dad is in a hospital two hours away awaiting a surgery which was supposed to happen last Friday, was postponed, and is now booked to happen in 'the next day or two'. All this is after the surgery he was supposed to have the Friday before *that* was scrapped in favour of another surgery being performed. To say it has been crazy does not fully cover it. I am amazed at my mother's strength. And it's not that she hasn't become frustrated or impatient . . . but she doesn't stay there. She prays, she seeks wise counsel, and she carries on.

Breaking

2010-05-01T20:08:00.002-06:00

It's hard to break habits. Granted, the habit needing to be changed was not formed overnight, so it would follow it won't be changed overnight (if such were not the case, the 'self help' section at bookstores would be much smaller). But do not be fooled -- the working out of the old habit and the establishment of a new one is going to take, well, work!

Yet one does not need to be discouraged, for as Paul wrote in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

And as a rather . . . flighty fish said in Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. . . "

Relax

2010-04-01T17:43:00.002-06:00

My husband and I, for the second year in a row, were blessed with the opportunity to create some Ukranian Easter eggs this past Sunday (Google if you don't know what they are). And I must say, I'm pretty pleased with how they all turned out. True, both of us can nitpick with our a bit and let each other know why this or that doesn't look as it should on them. But given we don't do this on a regular basis, I'd say we did pretty well with them!

Part of the difference for me this year was I managed to relax about the whole process a bit more. I didn't have it in my head I needed to create a work of art or anything. I just needed to (or try to at any rate!) take my time and just enjoy the process. And I could just have fun with it.

I'm starting to realize, too, how I need to be this way as a Christ-follower. No, I'm not supposed to be lazy, sitting around and letting all those around me go about the work of the kingdom. But I'm not supposed to compare myself to others (Gal. 6:4-5), nor am I to carry around all my worries and/or concerns (1 Peter 5:7). I'm to be who God created me to be, doing what He made me to do. Because when I compare myself to others or worry about this, that and the other, I will often end up finding myself confused as to God's will and wandering down some road I need never to have travelled.

In Psalm 119:11 the psalmist wrote of how he had hidden God's Word in his heart so he would not sin against God. And that's what I need to remember to do for all areas of my life, too. When I focus on God, get His Word into me and allow it to be worked out in my life then I'm not all in a knot about what others are doing or what I'm not doing. Why? Well, I'd dare say it's because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and my focus is right.

Oi, I could ramble on for a bit here (and with the time since my last post, could afford to!), but speaking of getting some work done ...

Hmpf

2010-03-18T22:23:00.003-06:00

This whole 'post on Friday' thing, as you may have noticed, is not exactly working out. Maybe I should just aim to update on a monthly basis instead . . .

Ahhhh!

2010-03-05T08:46:00.003-07:00

So here I am at home, happily clicking away on my computer with this 'n' that before realizing, once again, I have not managed to do a proper blog update on the new update day. :-P

Not good, to say the least.

But a teaser of what's to come: Sometimes God likes to do things backwards. Okay, more accurately, He does things in a way which seems backwards to *us*, but when we take the time to actually take a proper look at things, it makes a grace-full amount of sense.

A New Day, Perhaps?

2010-02-19T09:40:00.003-07:00

So I'm sitting here with many things around me that need to be taken care of, and I'm realizing I need to change my schedule. Oh, not my work schedule because that's set by people other than me and I really have no complaints about it. No, I'm realizing I need to change my 'non-work' work schedule. You know, housework and writing and family time and all that.

I used to clean houses for a living, and found the most popular days were immediately before or immediately after the weekend. The former wanted things to look nice for any company and the like, the latter wanted things cleaned up after the company had left. Some people had me come on both a Friday and a Monday, to experience the best of both worlds as it were.

Growing up, my mom got her laundry and the 'big' cleaning of the house done at the start of the week. She still does, in fact. Then it's done and out of the way and she only needs to spiff things up as the weekend approaches. I used to do that myself, but have tried other things the last little while that haven't worked out too well (a.k.a. working on my mad procrastinating skills, which I need to change!). Honestly, as the week progresses I want to be able to tackle other projects. And one of those is writing.

As such, a new goal will be to update this blog on Fridays instead of (in the fits-n-starts I had been accomplishing the task) on Mondays.

So all three of my followers, you have been notified. ;-)

Musings

2010-02-08T18:58:00.001-07:00

I grew up in a small town
Wheat fields for a downtown kind of place

--Paul Brandt, “Small Towns and Big Dreams”

Under the auspices of doing research for a novel I'm working on, I headed out to the town I grew up in awhile back to refresh myself with the scenery. It was the first time in recent memory I was there without my husband, parents, and/or siblings. I wasn't going with the intent of looking up any of my old friends who still live there (though I did see a couple of familiar faces). I wasn't so much trying to reconnect as I was trying to re-familiarize myself with things. I wanted to see how good my memory actually was in regards to some of the 'particulars' – an important thing for me to do as the town has changed over the years.

And yes, there was a degree of nostalgia mixed in as well. Driving around the building I spent the last five years of my pre-university education, I remembered waiting for the school bus – and later heading out to the car in the parking lot on the days I was allowed to drive in – mixed in with visits with friends and the faces of teachers. There were the things I thought were so important back then (the usual things we stumble through, I think, on our way to adulthood) and the confines I am, quite frankly, thankful to be free of. And I realized not only has the physical location of my 'growing up' years changed, but I have changed as well. I've married. I've moved to a different small town. I've made new friends, done things I never thought I would when I first ventured out of my home town and away from the expectations of others. And I thank God for where I am now.

There is truth to the saying about not being able to go home again. Okay, physically you can go home again. But what I think the saying means is you can't go back to your past. You can go to your childhood home, but you may find your room has been converted to the grandkids' room and the bitty TV is now downstairs and the layout of the kitchen is totally different and sure, get rid of the squeaks in the hallway floor now that we're all out of the house!

Ahem . . .

So I can go and visit my parents in their home and wander down the streets I would often hurry down on my way to one place or another. But I can't recapture fully who I was back then or the way things were when I was growing up. I'm further up the path with new things to see and old things to possibly see in a new way.

To quote a certain fictional traveller: Allons-y!

DIY

2010-01-25T11:10:00.005-07:00

“If you want a thing done well,
do it yourself.” -- Napoleon Bonaparte

We are all familiar with do-it-yourself projects. Such projects are touted as being easier, faster, and – most importantly nowadays – cheaper. As a certain hardware store chain likes to remind us, we can do it and they can help.

We also like to undertake such projects with ourselves as well under the 'self-help' banner. With goals of losing weight, gaining confidence and turning back the clock we buy books, watch videos and subscribe to the philosophies of various gurus. Even Christians have their 'go to' people in this arena. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Many are familiar with the passage from the Apostle Paul's letter to the church in Philippi:

". . . work out your own salvation
with fear and trembling . . .”

--Philippians 2:12c (NKJ)

Woo – that is pretty serious stuff. And it is something we can do, right? We can work out our problems and issues so that we are in right standing with God, right? We'll pray and read our Bibles and change all our bad habits and just be awesome Christians! Yes we can!

Only . . . can we really? I don't know about you, but I sort of suck at the whole 'self-improvement' thing. Some days I can very closely identify with the following words Paul wrote to the church in Rome:

“For what I am doing, I do not understand.
For what I will to do, that I do not
practice; but what I hate, that I do.”

--Romans 8:15 (NKJ)

But what about Philippians 2:12c? Isn't Paul contradicting himself? Isn't God contradicting Himself?

In a word, no. Because what we often forget to do (and I'm including myself) is to read Philippians 2:13:

“. . . for it is God who works in you
both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” (NKJ)

“God is working in you to make you willing
and able to obey Him.” (CEV)

What how now?

God gives me these standards to meet and live by and then He'll help me do it?

Talk about going against the “do it yourself” grain. And it sounds somewhat impossible and, well, wrong, doesn't it? Perhaps it will help you, then, as it continues to help me to follow the example of Abraham. Talk about a man with an impossible-sounding promise laid out before him – he was told by God he would become the father of a great nation, a nation whose numbers would be up there with the galaxy of stars and the grains of sand on the seashore. This promise was first given to Abraham when God called him to leave his homeland and extended family at the age of 75 (Genesis 12). He was reminded of it most significantly almost thirty years later (Genesis 17) and after he had a son with Sarah's maidservant Hagar.

Yup, Abraham and Sarah took on a 'do it yourself' project when it came to God's promise of a son. Yet God is always faithful and He fulfilled His promise of a son, a direct heir, when Abraham was 100 years old. And better yet, even with his mistakes and attempts to get ahead of God's timing, we read the following about Abraham, also in Paul's letter to the Roman church:

What we read in Scripture is, "Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own."

-- Romans 4:3 (Message)

Paul then goes on to explain what this means for us:

If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you
deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift.
But if you see that the job is too big for you, that
it's something only God can do, and you trust Him
to do it – you could never do it for yourself no
matter how hard and long you worked – well, that
trusting-Him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with
God, by God. Sheer gift.

-- Romans 4:4-5 (Message)

So we can't do it ourselves, nor do we need to. God is there, ready and willing to help us, to give the necessary means if we will only agree to do it His way.

Beats doing it yourself, doesn't it?

Oh, and as for Napoleon Bonaparte, the 'do it yourself' quote giver? Well, his 'do it yourself' project didn't end so well. He was defeated in his final battle at Waterloo, which in turn led to his exile to the island of Saint Helena where he died six years later.

Progress or the Lack Thereof

2010-01-18T11:45:00.003-07:00

So I've spent most of this morning avoiding tasks that need to be done.

Pile of dishes in sink? Still there, with today's breakfast dishes added to the mix.

Laundry? Still not all done.

Manuscripts? Incomplete and/or unedited.

Exercise? Oi . . .

And I am totally, compleately frustrated with myself. It is the 18th of January 2010 and while I have made some progress, it has been minimal. My procrastination skills are still rather top-notch, mind you. %-P

It is also incredibly easy to whine about it, too. So what am I going to do today and this week and for the rest of this month to get myself out of the rut(s) I am so tired of being in and get on the right track?

1. Don't make things harder or more daunting than they actually are. Just as Paul admonished fellow believers to not forget the simplicity which is in Christ (2 Cor. 11:3), I need to remember to take things a step at a time.

2. Make a plan and stick to it, but don't be so rigidly adhered to it I miss God's leading. His ways are perfect and He knows the way I need to be going, the way which is truly the right way to go. In other words, correct course as need to but set a course so I don't keep going in circles!

3. Be accountable. Case in point: Hubby and I are planning a holiday to a tropical locale in October and I have told people about it. People will quiz us about it. Darn it, my husband quizzes me about it! This is a good thing as it helps me keep going in terms of looking into things and making plans and such so we actually make the trip.

4. Acknowledge my mistakes, but don't dwell on them. It's not how many times I fall, but how many times I get back up and keep going. And I need to remember to forgive myself and then be able to receive God's forgiveness. As my pastor says, if I don't, God wont't.

So here's to keeping on swimming, but with a destination and a plan to get there. Even Dory had a destination. ;-)

Butt in Seat

2010-01-04T10:48:00.002-07:00

If there is one thing many writers want to hear less, but so do need to hear more, is that writing is work. Bona fide, sit-down-and-do-it work.

I’ve been writing in one form or another since school, and have been pursuing writing as something more than assignments and journal entries since the early 1990s and find this is still a piece of advice I struggle to consistently put into practice. I want to be inspired, have an idea that just won’t go away, and then be able to sit down and have it flow out of me with ease and grace. I don’t want it to be work! I have enough work to do already, thank you very much! Why should I set a schedule or word count goal or whatever unless I really feel like it? (Outside of November for the National Novel Writing Month challenge, that is?)

But wait . . . when I feel like? Oi, how many things do I have to do whether I feel like it or not? And really, do I want to go strictly by what I feel? Do any of us? We know how fickle our emotions can be, turning on a dime some days and blowing things out of proportion on others because we haven’t had enough sleep or jumping on the bandwagon as we get caught up in the moment.

Now I’m not saying feelings or emotions are bad things. God included them in our design. But we cannot allow ourselves to be ruled by them. If we did, little of import would actually ever get done. Even Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane, did not feel like going all the way to the cross as evidenced by His asking God to “ . . . if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. . .” (Matt. 26:39b, NKJ). But He knew He needed to, was supposed to follow this through and so was able to pray “. . . nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matt. 26:39c)

We may not be facing tasks as big or as daunting or as just plain scary, really, as the one Jesus had before Him. But we can still learn from His example: Even when our feelings are wanting us to take the easy route, to forego what in the grand scheme of things is short-term pain for long-term gain (2 Cor. 4:17), we can still choose to put those feelings aside and do what is right. And what awaits us on the other side of the task -- the reward, the benefits -- may very well take our breath away. God is faithful, after all.

So put your butt in the seat before you, and get to work. It will be worth it all in the end to hear God say on that final day “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.” (Matt. 25:21, NKJ)

A New Year and Another New Day

2010-01-01T11:40:00.002-07:00

I hope everyone had a great time ringing the old year out and the new one in with family and friends!

Keep On Swimming

2009-12-21T11:35:00.001-07:00

“‘Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could’ve done better but what good do what ifs do?”

*~ “Forget and Not Slow Down” by Relient K

I’ve been looking through old blog entries and journal entries, and have been doing my best to recall what I have set for goals in previous years and I’ve noticed a trend.

I repeat.

I’m going to write more. Improve my marriage. Lose weight. Organize my house. Do right all the things I’ve previously done wrong.

Yet by the time another year draws to a close, I feel as though I’m not any further ahead. My house is still disorganized. I still can’t fit into the jeans I wore however many years ago. The areas I wanted to work on in my marriage are still ‘meh’. And the manuscript I was going to tackle has maybe had a page or two added to it.

But after many listens to Relient K’s song “Forget and Not Slow Down” and, in particular the lines quoted at the top, I think I’ve finally clued into what the problem is:

My perspective is all wrong.

I’ve been so busy looking over my shoulder and reminding myself of the mistakes I had best not be repeating with a good dose of “If onlys” thrown in that I’ve lost sight of where I wanted to go. In a way, I have been using my past to determine my future. And I’m sure you can figure out what that means. Yup, I’m repeating my past. Over and over and over again.

Now I’m not saying there aren’t lessons for me to learn from past mistakes. There have been lessons learnt, and there will be more to learn in the days ahead. It’s a part of life. But in order to better “Keep on swimming” and to get to a new destination, I need to look in the right direction so I don’t end up going off-track.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understadning.
Seek His will in all you do,
and He will show you which path to take.

*~ Proverbs 3: 5-6 (NLT)

Cleaning and Legacies

2009-12-08T10:33:00.002-07:00

“Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
I just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one”

*~“Legacy” by Nicole Nordeman

I need to clear stuff out of my house. Both my husband and I do. Even better, we both realize this and are finally beginning to do just that (contrary to the way some piles are growing as we work our way through the rooms of our home). Oi, this was all much easier to do when we were getting ready for a move. Whatever we did not want to bring into the new house was tossed/donated, and what we were taking was neatly packed away. Now we have to just sort and put in order and . . . but it's best to stop the whining and just get through the stuff we've accumulated over the last nine (almost ten!) years.

This in-depth house cleaning has also let to my taking stock of different things I have going on in my day-to-day routines. What needs to be tossed or kept in terms of habits and the like? Which then leads to questions about what I want to be remembered for when my time here is done. Will people look at this life and see God’s hand in it? Will there be lives that have been touched in a positive way because I allowed Him to work through me and in me? Was I salty? Was I an accurate reflection of God (at least in part – He is so big!)?

Or will this life be remembered for its frivolity? A “me-first” type of mentality? For opportunities missed or squandered?

Now I’m not going to go down a road of despair and self-flagellation. That doesn't create the kind of change I'm looking for. But there are things which need to be cleared out. I mean, how much time do I need to spend online reading this 'n' that? How many TV shows do I really need to be watching? How much attention do I really need to be paying to me and my ‘stuff’? Isn’t the focus all to be on God anyway? Am I really being a servant?

Lots of questions and not a lot (if any) answers at this point, I know. But as I'm often reminded there are always going to be things which need to be thought on, changes which need to be made. As my pastor has said many times (probably because it needs to be heard many times), God loves me just the way I am but He loves me too much to leave me that way. I'll always be a work-in-progress on this side of heaven. Oh, may there be work and may there be progress, Lord, so I may one day hear these words ringing joyfully in my ears:

“His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’”

*~Matthew 25:21 (NKJ)

Creating New Normals

2009-11-29T17:22:00.005-07:00

I must say I am rather pleased to have achieved the following:

Yes, I took on the challenge once again to write 50 000 words in the month of November. But not just any old words, mind you, but novel-type words! Oh, yes! And of the 51 176 words I finished with yesterday evening, I hope to dig out a bona-fide story. (That's the beauty of National Novel Writing Month -- you give yourself permission to ignore your inner editor and just focus on getting various ideas and metaphors and, yes, some craptastic scenes on the page.)

But I had another goal beyond getting out a novella. I had long been thinking I needed to get back in the habit of writing more than a couple of times a month, whether it be working on some devotional pieces or on the novel I started a couple of years ago. So with this year's NaNoWriMo, I determined to work on my novel every day for 30 consecutive days. And on all but one of my novelling days, I managed to churn out at least 1667 words. With the novel being done, I have worked on some writing today and will again tomorrow to properly finish off the 30 day goal.

Time and again I've read writing involves just sitting your butt in the chair and just writing. This month I did that with not just the goal of hitting the 50 000 word mark, but of also creating a new normal where it is what I do every day in the months ahead.

My inner editor, however, may have to wait until tomorrow to come back out. ;-)