Moving Forward

photo © 2010 Lauren Hammond | more info (via: Wylio)
It's interesting how since I've started thinking about how to live deliberately, about doing things on purpose with a purpose rather than watching life amble on by how disorganized I've become.  Okay, it's not a 'oh look -- a shooting star' type of discovery.  I've been this way for a long while.  But my awareness of it is on hyper-drive, and, as is my tendency, I'm overwhelmed by it all.  It's in the back of my mind that I have to be able to sort through my house, sort through the files on my computer, etc. right this very minute and it all has to be done today.  If everything cannot be accomplished in one fell swoop, in one day, then what's the point of starting?

siiigh

I never said it was logical.

So for the past couple of weeks I've been rushing to get out the door more often than not.  Various piles are squatting in various parts of my home and the cat is doing daily battle with the dust bunnies.  (Cat - 5, dust bunnies - 1.)  And I seem to finally find my groove ten minutes before I need to be somewhere else.

I was whining to God about it on my way to work earlier this week.  "I feel," I recall saying, "like I"m in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by a shipwreck, and I'm somehow expected to rebuild the whole ship in the ocean, but all my tools have sunk to the bottom.  (God may have chuckled at my dramatics.)  Yes, I was feeling particularly adrift at that point and I was tired of bottling it all up.  On the plus side, I made myself laugh with said dramatics and was feeling considerably less tense by the time I pulled into the parking lot at my workplace.  I was also reminded I don't have to 'fix' everything in the time it takes to snap my fingers.  Nor can I.

What I can do is this:  I can stop, take a deep breath, and sort out where I go from here.  God knew before I was even born I would be at this exact point at this exact time.  He's not sitting on His throne, mouth agape in surprise at any of this while wondering if there is any hope of His will actually being done in my life.  Nor does He expect me to change or fix things all on my own (as much as I stubbornly keep trying to do just that).

So I will stop.  I will breathe deeply in and slowly out.  And I will, with God, sort out where I go from here and keep on forging ahead.

Stalwart walks in step with GOD;

his path blazed by GOD, he's happy.

If he stumbles, he's not down for long;

GOD has a grip on his hand.

- Psalm 37: 23-34 (Message)

Bits of the Picture

The clock is ticking, the cursor is blinking in my Word document, and I’m sorting through a few things (or trying to) as I sip at a cup of herbal tea.  So far, nothing has gelled into a cohesive entry.  And I don’t blame the lack of caffeine, as I normally don’t have my first cup until I start my office job after lunch.

No, it’s something simpler.

Today I decided for the first time in about a week and a half (not including weekends) to not get up early to write.  I didn’t prime the pump, as it were, and I’m sort of regretting it.  I don’t 100% regret it, mind you, as having a good night’s sleep was great (I’m still working on the getting to bed earlier bit) and I got a good number of things done this morning.  Brought the car in for an oil change, got some groceries, started some laundry, that sort of thing. 

But I do regret my later rising a bit.  Did I choose ‘happiness now’ over ‘happiness later’?  I would say so, yes.  At the same time, I’m sorting through some things I have been learning the past little while in church.  Things such as not pursuing happiness over pursuing truth, rekindling a hunger and desire for God and godly things, ways in which others and myself are intelligent (‘It’s not how intelligent are you,’ my notes read, ‘but how are you intelligent?’).  As such, I’m wondering for perhaps for the bazillionith time if I’m in God’s will or if I’m merely trying to get Him to bless my will.  But, thankfully, even with such questions bouncing around I’m not doing what I would normally do, which would be nothing or close to nothing while waiting for a TBD sign from the heavens as to what to do next.

Because I do know some things which I should never quit doing, thanks to the pastors and teachers I get to learn from on a regular basis – things such as seeking God, worshipping Him and talking to Him, reading my Bible, serving others.

And as Steven Furtick wrote in his April 14/11 blog entry, it’s often in the midst of doing those things we find the other answers we are looking for.  After all, Jesus called His disciples while they were busy in their ‘everyday’ tasks.  God came to talk to Gideon while he was threshing wheat, Elisha was plowing a field when Elijah found and began to disciple him. 

So who knows when God will reveal the next step to you and to me?

No, Spell It Out. Please!

Just imagine it: You're running a very successful business with a multitude of employees and an enviable amount of assets. You have a nice house, a lovely wife. No children yet, but the years have stretched on far enough you don't really think about it too much anymore . . . compared to other years, anyway.

Then you are told to pack it all up. Gather up the staff, pack up the furniture and figure out how to move . . . somewhere. It hasn't all been spelled out yet. As in you've been told to move but with the seemingly key detail of 'where' being left out. Oh, and you'll have lots of descendants. Even though at the age of 75, you have yet to have any children at all.

Now the LORD said to Abram:
"Get out of your country,
From your family
and from your father's house,
To a land that I will show you.
I will make you a great nation . . ."
So Abram departed as the LORD had spoken to him . . .
Genesis 12: 1, 2a, 4a (NKJ)

Did you catch verse 4a? Did you, as I have at times, wondered if perhaps Abram had argued a little bit with God first? Maybe tried to wheedle the location out of Him beforehand?

But read it again: "So Abram departed as the LORD had spoken to him . . " No "What?" or "Are you sure?" or "Really?! Sure you don't mean Abe down the road?"; no, Abram packed everything up and eventually ended up in the land of Canaan and with a son whose name, Isaac, means 'laughter'. And he became a great nation.

So if Abram (later known as Abraham) can have such a trust in and a close walk with God that he could just pick up and go without it all being spelled out, why don't I basically do the same? I'm not without direction from God in my life if I really look at many of the things around me. Everything isn't all laid out in a clear, concise step-by-step plan is all.

I also have not been asked to pack up my work, my house and husband and leave all that is family and familiar and friendly for parts unknown. Not in the same sense as Abraham, anyway. But to stop the tangent before it gets out of control, why don't I go where God leads? Even when I can't see very far up the path?

Go Left . . . No, Right . . . Wait a Second . . .

". . . your eyes shall see your teachers. Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," . . ."

~~ Isaiah 30: 20c, 21a (NKJ)

It can be hard, figuring out which way to go. Especially if you, like myself, are directionally impaired. May I always remember the day when I was to meet my grandmother at the local mall. Wanting to be sure I met her at the right set of doors, I asked if she would be by the doors at the adjoining grocery store, to which she replied she would be at the west doors. I naively asked her if those were by the grocery store. She replied she would be at the west doors. We went back and forth for a bit before I said "I'll see you there". Through my awesome logic (see October's 'Bye, Little Snat), I correctly deduced a busload of senior citizens would be dropped off at the doors by the grocery store (and, coincidentally, the west ones).

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the same thing with God and His Holy Spirit. There He is, telling me "Go here!" And I'm all "Over there? Is it that by that thing?" And He repeats "Go here!" becasue, really, I should be able to see it and know it. But I allow the cares of this world to drag me down or tie me up and I'm just not seeing it until I finally just let all the unnecessary stuff fall away and oh, hello! There is where I'm supposed to be.

And it may even be right by the grocery store.