No Direction . . . Yet

“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher . . .

or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”

~Douglas Adams

I do not know the context of the above quote from author Douglas Adams (of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” fame), but it struck me as amusing along with having a ring of truth to it.  Because who hasn’t, at one time or another, heard from other people or even from your self why a dream you have won’t come to be?  The dissenting voice could be a pessimist believing they’re ‘just being realistic’; it could be your own memories reminding you of all the times you tried and failed (or all the opportunities you missed); or it could be you hearing someone saying something they may not actually mean at all. 

Or you may be in a room full of people sharing dreams about doing all kinds of great, big things for God (missions, helping hurting people, living an impactful life, etc.) and you’re sitting there, avoiding making eye contact with the person leading the meeting, so you won’t (pleaseohplease) be asked to share your dream which sounds small and frivolous in comparison to the dreams of the people around you.  Because really, who cares if you write a silly little fictional story about a high school teacher or a fellow who works with Plot Ninjas or a time traveler?  Really, what does it matter, what sort of an impact can such a thing make in the light of eternity?  And is it merely your dream, the dream of your grandiose self?  Is it a ‘decoy dream’ to keep you from what God really wants you to do?   Or has the dream been given God’s stamp of approval and you think you’ve wasted too much time and too many opportunities, that the ship in question has sailed and it’s not turning around for you?

It’s times like this when I either a) quit thinking about my dreams altogether because I’m giving myself a pretty massive headache, b) take it to God and ask Him to basically spell it out for me because I just want to know, or c) do ‘b’ followed by ‘a’ so I don’t then talk myself out of hearing from God.

Yeah . . . as you may have gathered, none of those options are working out for me.  And I’d like to say I have some ‘magic formula’ or Scripture reference that has plopped into my mind to help me see the first steps out, but instead I am, honestly, going to have to leave it at this for the time being:

I Wonder as I Ponder

I know it says in the Bible not to envy others, and when I think about it, I don't think I'm doing that. But there is something about listening to people talk who know what their purpose in life is and who are doing it which I admire. And it leaves me wondering what am I supposed to be doing?

Chances are I have it figured out on some level, but as some people I know will probably attest to, I'm pretty good at second-guessing my motives and such until I'm not sure which way is up. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a good excuse to not do anything -- you know, if I don't go anywhere or try anything then I can't fail/mess it up/get it wrong.

Then, as it so often happens, a song lyric pops into my head, popping me out of a potential funk:

". . . then laugh at my mistakes
‘cause they're only lessons I’ve learned."
*~ Paul Brandt, "Risk"

Great. Way to change my perspective on things again.

I'm only kidding -- it really is a good thing to have one's perspective changed.

I guess part of my problem is I do get so caught up in my own things, the things I want to do and like to do that I don't take the time to get caught up God and His things and the things He wants me to do. The fleshly part of me fears giving up something I like (which is incredibly selfish, I know); but the non-fleshly parts chafe at this, I think, and I wonder when will I be able to say with certainty "Here is what my purpose is, and here I am doing it."

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
*~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJ)