Rambling Along

It puzzles me sometimes how I can have so much to do, yet sabotage any effort to get things done.  It would be nice to explain it away with some sort of medical diagnosis or the like, but I think it simply boils down to my being disorganized and a tad lazy.  And (sometimes) it’s a matter of finding the right music to work to.  ;-)

And sometimes it is hard to take the writing advice of sitting one’s butt in the chair and to just start writing.  At such times quotes and clichés about writing and inspiration and the like don’t amount to much.  All you know is there is a blinking cursor in a blank document or a page full of scratched-out, half-erased words and the clock is ticking.  (No really, it is – I have to leave for my office job in an hour.) 

I’m glad God never looks at our lives as a blank document.  He knows exactly what is coming next.  He knows the ending from the beginning, the beginning from the end.  Every success, failure, mistake, right step and stumble – none of it comes as a shock to Him.  And that sort of boggles my mind on days where I grow frustrated and impatient with myself and even with those around me.  It also gives me hope.

Noisy Hope

 “Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.”

~George Iles

The writer of Ecclesiastes was spot-on when he wrote there is “. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance . . .” (Ecc. 3:4, NKJ). To ask a person in the midst of mourning to dance a happy jig or someone in the midst of a painful situation to let loose with laughter would be insensitive or even cruel. Life is full of varying seasons, and not all of them are joy-filled ones.

And I won’t dare say it is possible to find a reason to laugh no matter what life brings. But if you are going through something and laughter is possible, then by all means – laugh, even if it’s just for a few seconds or a minute.

My husband and I, for example, found things to laugh at while he went through chemotherapy. When we found his hair was falling out two weeks after he began chemotherapy, we cracked a joke about blowing on his head like it was a giant dandelion and making a wish. It helped us shave his head without shedding tears. There were moments of laughter in the days after my grandma’s stroke and at her funeral a few weeks later over what ‘u.d.’ stands for on a packing list and Grandma’s infamous hot cross buns. But Jeff and I didn’t chuckle or even crack a grin on the days when he felt totally crappy. Nor was there much (if any) laughter to be heard in the days before Grandma died. Again, with so many things in life there is a balance to be found, seasons to be endured, and times to cry and times to laugh.

But I will say, at least for my husband and I, we do try to find the funny if possible and appropriate. This quote from comedian Bob Newhart sums up why: “Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and the move on.”

In the examples given above, laughter did serve to relieve some pressure, clear our heads, and to remind us the hard times do not last forever (even though it can certainly look like they will). Laughter, I think, is like noisy hope. And who wouldn’t take hope over despair?

Gotta Laugh

It has been a busier-than-normal type of day.  I was home mainly so I could eat/change/tidy up/take a breath before going somewhere else.  So I’m taking the easy route out on a blog update today and going for the funny.  Well, I think it’s funny at any rate.  ;-)

Road Trip Music

It has been an up-and-down weekend to say the least.  Family dynamics blended seamlessly one moment and chafed the next.  Smiles were easy, natural, then felt forced, faked and out of place.  Granted it wasn’t a roller-coaster type of ‘up and down’, but as can happen in life, it seemed to ebb a little more than it flowed.

Recently I’ve also been hearing (and thinking) about roads and how they take us places, and how it’s not too late to change direction while you’re still above ground.  I’ve messed up a lot of things in 39 years, and I’ve wondered, at times, if I’ve done so irreparably.  I know God can restore and redeem that which seems forever lost and completely unsalvageable.  At least deep down I did.  But it had all been tucked away with a few too many “Yes, but what if . . .?” scenarios over the last little while.  So it was good to be reminded of the bigness of God the past few weeks.  Plus, a fellow traveler by the name of C.S. Lewis once wrote, “You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.”  And a Google search for quotes on roads travelled in life brought up another gem by Carl Bard (an author according to another quick Google search):  “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.”

And as many do, I also turned to a few song favourites as of late to reflect on, mellow out to, and be encouraged by – a bit of a soundtrack of sorts from the last month or so.  (After all, what’s a road trip without some music?)

1.     Stop This Train by John Mayer – a reflection on aging parents, an aging self, and the desire at times to stop time so we can maybe go back to when things were simpler.

2.     Meteor Shower by Owl City – a soft, lyrical song reminding me I’m not my own and how much I, too, need Jesus.

3.     Never Saw You Coming by Bebo Norman – sometimes when we’re looking at everything but God is when He comes with what we didn’t even really know we needed until it was there in front of us.  If that makes any sense.  :-p

4.     SMS (Shine) by David Crowder*Band – even if such a cool concept for the video had never been realized, the song alone speaks in many a situation to many a heart. 

5.     In Repair by John Mayer – I’m not a huge John Mayer fan, really.  We bought the CD because my husband liked what he had heard of his guitar work.  But this song resonated with me because I, too, “. . . am not together, but I’m getting there . . .”

6.     Rescue by Seabird – when I’m feeling frustrated or at the end of my rope or even pretty happy, this is a good song to sing along to.  The lyrics sound rather hopeless in parts, but then you hit the chorus and bam!  Rescue! 

What about you?  Are any songs resonating in one way or another with you as of late?  Feel free to share them in the comments section below. 

Escape

I really don’t know what to ramble on about today.  There are a couple of things jotted down in my notebook that I thought would spark something, but so far not much has really ‘caught’ with either one.  A Google image search for another idea or two didn’t stir anything up either.

Maybe I think too much or maybe not enough.  Or maybe this cold weather has me wanting to give in to the urge to curl up with some hot chocolate and a good book, to shut out the rest of the world for a little while.  Not that I have anything against the ‘outside’ world.  It has just been rather bumpy as of late.  Good thing I’m not alone in it all, and for that I’m grateful.

So encourage each other and build each other up,

just as you are already doing.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Somewhere Between Here and There

In reading over my previous two blog entries and doing my best to make an honest evaluation of what I truly have the faith to believe for in that regards, I have got to thinking that I, spiritually, look like this:

 Now I don’t want to be so narcissistic (or become a megalomaniac-in-training) that I would even dare to suggest that I alone can tip the scale away from ‘miraculous healing’ to ‘divine provision even through surgery and recovery’ for my mom.  But I do feel like I’m waffling between the faith I presently do have and the faith I would like to have.  Then I wonder if this means I am lacking in faith and double-minded in my ways (James 1:6-8). Am I praying with a lack of confidence in God and His promises? And when Jesus said ‘according to your faith, be it unto you’, was that strictly in reference to the faith of the person being prayed for or the people doing the praying for/with the person asking for healing? Or do I need to simply acknowledge this is the measure of faith I have at present (Romans 12:3)?  But then I need to remind myself to not stop there, but to allow that faith to be built up by praying in the Spirit (Jude 1:20).  Maybe I’m not waffling as much as trying to flex and strengthen some spiritual muscles, as it were. 

So many questions . . . and I need to start digging for some answers.

My husband and I were talking last night about faith in regards to healing and God’s will and His promises and the fact we heard explained at Bible study how God is, literally, outside of time.  What we measure in centuries and seconds, He is not constrained by.  It doesn’t worry Him or limit Him.  And it’s hard to wrap our finite minds around an infinite being. 

All of the above ramblings, I suppose, are to say where I stand in regards to Mom’s surgery has not really shifted from Monday’s position.  I most certainly do want to grow in my faith. But I’m not going to beat myself up for where I am presently, either.  After all, if I’m not honest about that then how can I really move forward and grow?

(And on a side note, all this talk of waffling has me craving waffles.  With syrup. )

Stirred

 It’s not that I have some sort of insight into the future regarding exactly what the days ahead hold for my mom, but I do have a hope and expectancy I have not had in a while.  And for anyone who was at the same prayer meeting I was tonight, how could you not have been stirred up?  Pretty powerful stuff! 

God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever

Imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

-        Ephesians 3:20 (Message)

It can be far too easy to forget in impossible situations that I serve a God who specializes in impossibilities.  He parts seas, heals the blind, causes previously crippled legs to jump and dance, raises the dead . . . He has and does and will do so much.  Big.  Small.  Whatever it is, for Him it’s never impossible.  And because of this we really can give thanks in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).