Further Musing or Two of an Uncaffeinated Mind

 If you don’t create change,

change will create you.

~Anon.

It’s interesting how when you start hearing about an idea or concept, you’re suddenly hearing about it everywhere and thinking about it a lot more.  Or how you can hear about something for probably years when suddenly it’s expressed in such a way that it clicks inside of you and you have your ‘Now I get it!” moment.  Or maybe you finally hear what’s being said properly, clearly and it’s like someone threw the switch in a previously dark room. 

Such things have been happening to me recently in regards to living life on purpose vs. simply letting life happen to me, as it were.  And some times my focus is where it ought to be, too, so I don’t become self-serving, where the temporary weights and struggles of self-discipline are borne with grace.  Other times I choose ‘happiness now’ over ‘happiness later’ only to later struggle beneath the much-heavier weight of regret. 

There are many things to weigh and consider and ponder, times of prayer and reflection and meditation and honesty that are required to take initiative and to live life in such a way that (as clichéd Gandhi’s words may be) we are the change we want to see in the world. It takes work and effort, it means getting back up and dusting ourselves off no matter how many times we fall.  But I do believe, in the end, we will find it to have been worth it.

Somewhere Between Here and There

In reading over my previous two blog entries and doing my best to make an honest evaluation of what I truly have the faith to believe for in that regards, I have got to thinking that I, spiritually, look like this:

 Now I don’t want to be so narcissistic (or become a megalomaniac-in-training) that I would even dare to suggest that I alone can tip the scale away from ‘miraculous healing’ to ‘divine provision even through surgery and recovery’ for my mom.  But I do feel like I’m waffling between the faith I presently do have and the faith I would like to have.  Then I wonder if this means I am lacking in faith and double-minded in my ways (James 1:6-8). Am I praying with a lack of confidence in God and His promises? And when Jesus said ‘according to your faith, be it unto you’, was that strictly in reference to the faith of the person being prayed for or the people doing the praying for/with the person asking for healing? Or do I need to simply acknowledge this is the measure of faith I have at present (Romans 12:3)?  But then I need to remind myself to not stop there, but to allow that faith to be built up by praying in the Spirit (Jude 1:20).  Maybe I’m not waffling as much as trying to flex and strengthen some spiritual muscles, as it were. 

So many questions . . . and I need to start digging for some answers.

My husband and I were talking last night about faith in regards to healing and God’s will and His promises and the fact we heard explained at Bible study how God is, literally, outside of time.  What we measure in centuries and seconds, He is not constrained by.  It doesn’t worry Him or limit Him.  And it’s hard to wrap our finite minds around an infinite being. 

All of the above ramblings, I suppose, are to say where I stand in regards to Mom’s surgery has not really shifted from Monday’s position.  I most certainly do want to grow in my faith. But I’m not going to beat myself up for where I am presently, either.  After all, if I’m not honest about that then how can I really move forward and grow?

(And on a side note, all this talk of waffling has me craving waffles.  With syrup. )

Someday

“To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”

-- Bernard M. Baruch

I’ve never quite felt my age.  With each birthday, I think at least once ‘I don’t feel mature enough to be this old’.  Granted, I’ve never quizzed anyone else who has been ‘x’ years old to see how they felt as they moved through their ‘x’th year but somehow, I don’t feel like I’m mature enough to be ‘this’ old (recently 39 years old, in case anyone is wondering).  And I do realize I’m not the only person to feel this way. 

It is interesting though, isn’t it, how we will look at other people and see where they’re at in various stages in their lives and use it to measure our own progress?  We’re all so differently wired with different plans and purposes, goals and dreams, yet we’ll still say “Well both my sisters are married with kids fast approaching graduation and I don’t even have one kid yet” or some other variation that fits our particular situations to basically say we don’t measure up, we’ve missed the mark, missed our chance.  Throw into the mix far too many reminders our parents are getting older (or that they are gone) and changing work environments and myriads of ‘new normals’ popping up faster than a souped-up ‘Whack-a-Mole’ game and it can make one feel uncertain and too small and too ‘not ready’ to yet be considered a ‘proper’ adult.  Whatever that means. 

Not that goals and markers and signposts are bad things to have or to keep in sight as we make our ways through life.  Not that people and situations shouldn’t change, or that life has to be all ‘sunshine and rainbows’ or that anyone should not acknowledge mucking things up in this journey called life.  Yet it’s important to remember we can’t get so tied up in all the directions our lives could have taken up to this point that we miss where we ought to be going from this point.  Yes, it may very well be that you and I are not where God’s perfect plan would have had us be right now.  Yet Romans 8:28 promises God can use all things to work together for good for those of us who love Him and are called according to His purpose for us. 

(Oh, I realized now I don’t really understand what it means to be ‘called according to His purpose for us’.  But that may be a rabbit trail to be explored more at another time.)

So yes – Romans 8:28 and God using all things to work together for good.  The key point is we need to remember to allow God to use ‘all things’ and to remember this does not give us carte blanche to do dumb things so God can turn them around.  He is as glorified by a life lived fully for Him from a very early age as He is by a dramatic ‘gutter to the altar’ story of redemption and restoration. 

It’s not too late to get on the right track.  Not for me and not for you.  And sometimes that means taking a leap of faith even when we don’t feel quite ready or ‘whatever’ to do it. 

*Yes, I realize this entry is a day earlier than normal.  But I know for certain I will not be home tomorrow morning to do my weekly Monday post, and the evening could be spent somewhere other than at home in front of my computer.  In case you were wondering.  ;-)

Step by Step by Step by . . .

Today has been more of a struggle than the last few weeks have been in regards to doing my weekly blog posting.  I’ve had to fight off the urge to dawdle with just about anything else and get my butt not only into the chair in front of my computer, but to quit reading what other people have taken the time to sit down and write (even as it made me tear up and laugh and think). 

Then I was reminded of something I read on Twitter from the associate pastor at my church: 

Most growth happens as a result of many small steps.

The key is to keep taking them.

- Darryl Harms

Now this may not be big news to many of you.  However, I’m the type of person who has tended to (I’m starting to change!) look at the sum of everything that needs to be done for a project, become totally overwhelmed by the perceived vastness of it all and end up doing nothing.  It could be changing a habit, giving my house a thorough cleaning, preparing for a trip, or working on a writing project.  But I’ll see the point where I want to be or need to be, be overwhelmed by the distance between Point A and Point B and then sit down on the road and there I sit.  The irony is I’m not content in my current position, my spot of inactivity either.  I want to move forward, but I feel like I have no clue as to how to get going. 

No journey is made in one fell swoop, with one giant leap.  I didn’t move from being a baby to a 38-year-old woman in a blink of an eye.  I didn’t learn how to drive after getting behind the wheel only one time.  There are many things in this life where perhaps the best thing to do, really, is to yes, keep the destination in mind while focusing only on the next step.  Don’t look back at all the times you tried before and failed, don’t look at how far away Point B is from your current location. Don’t get caught up in all the things needing to be done today or tomorrow or this week.

Pause.  Take a breath.  Look at what you can do next.   And take another step.

The LORD directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

For the LORD holds them by the hand.

- Psalm 37: 23, 24 (NLT)

Comfort vs. Growth

“You cannot grow, AND hang onto your comfort
at the same time.” -- Deborah Stewart

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
-- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (Message)

I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of hard/difficult/can't-really-plan-for-them times. I like a certain predictability (most of the time) to my days and for things to go along at a nice, steady pace. No big surprises or bumps in the road that leave me without an idea as to what is going to happen next, please and thank you. Yet how often does God actually operate that way? One needs only to read the stories of many people in the Bible – Abraham, Joseph, Job, Hosea and Paul to name but a few – and look at the lives of Christians around them and even at one's own life to see the uncertainties we are often faced with in this life.

And so much of Western culture is opposite of what we find in God's Word. Life is to be easy, comfortable, profitable and free of unpleasant shocks and surprises. At least that's what I hear.

But God isn't interested in our comfort and ease of life as much as He is in getting the word out about His love, mercy, salvation, and impending judgement for those who choose to reject Him. And for those who have chosen to follow Him, He wants to achieve in us the following:

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
-- Micah 6:8 (NKJ)

Sometimes experiencing an injustice helps us to do justly. Or having someone be unmerciful towards us seeds in our hearts a strong appreciation of mercy both received and given. Perhaps having our castles and dreams . . . our idols, really, topple to the ground will open our cloudy eyes to the greatness of the God who gives us all the breath we need to live each day.

God does want to bless us. He wants to give us good things. He has good things in store for us. Read Jeremiah 29: 11 – 14a. And John 3:16, along with 1 Thessalonians 5: 23 – 24. Those aren't bad things, are they? So we – and I heartily include myself – need to keep 2 Corinthians 4: 16 – 18 in mind, particularly verse 17: These short-term troubles lead to long-term rewards.

Abraham experienced the reward – at least the beginnings of it via Isaac. As did Joseph and Job and Hosea and Paul. Maybe they didn't see it all this side of heaven and had to wait until they got to the 'other side'. But seen it they have for the One who made the promises to them and makes them to us today is faithful (2 Thessalonians 5: 24). Remember that when you're being pulled and stretched and are growing. And remember, too, you are not alone.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand
of the throne of God.
-- Hebrews 12: 1-2 (NKJ)