Monday, November 29, 2010

Vain Repetitions

It has been almost 13 hours since I crossed the finish line for 2010’s National Novel Writing Month with a tidy word cushion thanks to more days than not of meeting or exceeding a daily 1700 word count goal.  And I almost hate to say this as many people have cheered me on, but it all feels, even after a good night’s rest, rather anti-climactic.

Seriously -- what's the big deal?  And I don't think I'm subconsciously looking for pats on the back or a 'well done' or 'but you wrote 50,000 words in a month whereas I'm lucky to write a haiku in an hour' or other such things.  At least I don't think I am, but I've been wrong before in regards to what motivates me, so I may very well be wrong again.

Honestly, though -- there is something not sitting right in regards to this whole endeavor and it's frustrating that I cannot put my finger on it.  This isn't exactly the post-NaNoWriMo post I was expecting to make, but it's where I find myself at this point in time.

"Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher;
"Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."
- Ecclesiastes 1:2 (NKJ)

And maybe therein lies the rub, to loosely quote Shakespeare.  Were the the past 28 days merely an exercise in vanity for me, a big old "look at what I can do" moment?
Only by bringing this to God, I believe, can my questions truly be sorted out.  But I do hope I'll be more careful/mindful of my motives for taking on projects in the future because this 'meh' feeling after neglecting, really, so many things makes me wonder if what I gained in the end was worth it.


RandomThoughts said...

Maybe it is vanity...or maybe you are just a little hard on yourself, because you didn't produce a solid, unified story? Do you think that perhaps there might be merit simply in completing the challenge, in pushing yourself to meet an imposed deadline? Only you can answer that. I don't think it was wasted effort, if it served as an exercise in making yourself write every day. That's the biggest hurdle most writers face--sitting down and working at the task of writing every day, even when genius doesn't burn.

crosscribe said...

Oh, RT, you know me well. :)

Yes, I may be just a little hard on myself at the moment for not producing a more solid story. And there is merit in simply completing the challenge . . . it's just . . . yeah . . . I still have a couple of things to sort out. ;-) But I'll get there!