Monday, May 17, 2010

In Repair

I'm in repair
I'm not together
But I'm getting there
- "In Repair" by John Mayer

The last twenty minutes or so have been spent clicking through the songs brought up in my iTunes library via the shuffle setting while I've typed, deleted, typed and deleted and typed again various sentences and/or quotes for this blog entry. Nothing that came up in the song queue or in the "New Post" box seemed to be worth listening to or keeping around for posterity's sake.

I feel like that with my life sometimes. Not all of it . . . but a few parts I've been struggling with off and on for however long now. Ah, but I don't want this to turn into another Post of Whining. Seriously, if it gets tiring for *me* to read "I'm struggling with yadee-blah-blah" over and over again, I can well imagine it gets tiring for those who read this blog.


So here goes . . . brace yourselves . . . I'm about to get . . .

. . . positive . . .

I see progress!

I'm learning to let some things go! Some baggage is being dropped!

Now I won't promise you and I it will never be picked up again. I've done that before only to trot back down the road for a 'forgotten' piece of luggage which I then become doubly frustrated with when I acquire more bumps and bruises from lugging around things I know deep down I'm not meant to carry.

Okay, wait -- positive part! Right!

What I do find myself doing more often is putting into practice something R.T. Kendall wrote about in How to Forgive Ourselves - Totally. I can't give a verbatim quote as said book is currently on loan, but the gist of it is this: forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and failures is not necessarily going to be a one-time deal. We may pick up our shame, our guilt, and our regrets again. But rather than beating ourselves up for doing so, what we need to do is forgive ourselves again and again again, until one day we find ourselves so far down the road we can't quite remember where we left that piece of baggage.

And I believe I'm getting there.

I don't have it all 'together' yet.

But I *am* getting there.

I'm in repair.

(And as if that weren't enough, I am also forgiven. How amazing (and humbling?) is that?!)

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