Musings on Finishing

"Winning isn't always finishing first.

Sometimes winning is just finishing."

~ Manuel Diotte

photo © 2009 Justin See (coming back) | more info (via: Wylio)
I'm a pretty great list maker.

My 'to lists' are generally neat and tidy.  They are not overly long and if I can, I'll use brightly coloured ink on a crisp piece of paper or a fun font on the computer to make things look pretty.  And while there is not always a sequential order to the tasks listed, there is something very satisfying about seeing a list of goals or tasks waiting for me to put a tick beside them marking them as completed.

I wish I saw more ticks.  (Not the nasty, literally-get-under-your-skin kind; I mean the pen or pencil check-mark kind.)

No, I'm not a very good list finisher.

I recycle more goals and 'to do' lists than most bottle depots do bottles during a long, hot summer.  It's crazy.  But I've really been trying as of late to a) not look at former lists as 'things I have failed to do' and b)look more at where I need to go from here to get to where I want to be while hoping I'm staying in God's will for my life.  In other words, I'm trying to change my mindset so I can become a better list finisher.  If I'm constantly berating myself for what I haven't finished then I'm not moving forward.  I need to accept that, yes, I messed up but it's not the end of the world.  While I still have breath and life, there is an opportunity to pick myself back up and to keep going.

It's good to have goals, and it's necessary to write them down.  It adds concreteness to things; it makes them more than just dreams from a cloudy day.  But there also needs to be accountability, something to help keep you on track, to keep you going when the road ahead looks like a long, tiring climb up a steep and rocky trail.  And the same thing won't work for every goal in every situation.  Sometimes I can push through a sticky spot in the next blog entry by promising myself some time to read a new book.  But that tactic wouldn't have worked in regards to picking up my strength-training program after petering out on it last week.  For that I had to remind myself I have people to report my success (or failure) to at the end of the month.  There is definitely trial-and-error involved in pushing through to the finish line.

What about you?  How to you push through the dips or tough spots when working towards a goal?

Moving Forward

photo © 2010 Lauren Hammond | more info (via: Wylio)
It's interesting how since I've started thinking about how to live deliberately, about doing things on purpose with a purpose rather than watching life amble on by how disorganized I've become.  Okay, it's not a 'oh look -- a shooting star' type of discovery.  I've been this way for a long while.  But my awareness of it is on hyper-drive, and, as is my tendency, I'm overwhelmed by it all.  It's in the back of my mind that I have to be able to sort through my house, sort through the files on my computer, etc. right this very minute and it all has to be done today.  If everything cannot be accomplished in one fell swoop, in one day, then what's the point of starting?

siiigh

I never said it was logical.

So for the past couple of weeks I've been rushing to get out the door more often than not.  Various piles are squatting in various parts of my home and the cat is doing daily battle with the dust bunnies.  (Cat - 5, dust bunnies - 1.)  And I seem to finally find my groove ten minutes before I need to be somewhere else.

I was whining to God about it on my way to work earlier this week.  "I feel," I recall saying, "like I"m in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by a shipwreck, and I'm somehow expected to rebuild the whole ship in the ocean, but all my tools have sunk to the bottom.  (God may have chuckled at my dramatics.)  Yes, I was feeling particularly adrift at that point and I was tired of bottling it all up.  On the plus side, I made myself laugh with said dramatics and was feeling considerably less tense by the time I pulled into the parking lot at my workplace.  I was also reminded I don't have to 'fix' everything in the time it takes to snap my fingers.  Nor can I.

What I can do is this:  I can stop, take a deep breath, and sort out where I go from here.  God knew before I was even born I would be at this exact point at this exact time.  He's not sitting on His throne, mouth agape in surprise at any of this while wondering if there is any hope of His will actually being done in my life.  Nor does He expect me to change or fix things all on my own (as much as I stubbornly keep trying to do just that).

So I will stop.  I will breathe deeply in and slowly out.  And I will, with God, sort out where I go from here and keep on forging ahead.

Stalwart walks in step with GOD;

his path blazed by GOD, he's happy.

If he stumbles, he's not down for long;

GOD has a grip on his hand.

- Psalm 37: 23-34 (Message)

There's a Map?!

Outlines and I didn’t get along very well in high school.  I’m pretty sure my English teacher was on to my ‘clever’ method of getting around doing them too, as I’m sure it wasn’t exactly a new trick to write the essay and then do up the outline.  So I almost did a little dance when I found out author Meg Cabot writes her books minus an outline:

“If I really like the idea, I don’t outline, because I’ve found that when I do, it feels like I’ve already told the story, and then I don’t have the excitement about actually writing it . . . People call that “seat-of-the-pants-writing.”  I think you can end up getting in trouble doing that, because I often will get midway through, and I’m like . . . I completely screwed this story up, and this could never happen.  And then I get really frustrated and eat 10 pounds of candy, and I’ll end up watching the Lifetime channel for 10 days until I figure out what I did wrong.  Then I have to go back.  But that’s the only way I can work.”  ~Meg Cabot in The Writer, April 2010, pp. 21-22

But while the above method is doable for writing a novel (Meg Cabot has penned over 50 books which include the successful Princess Diaries series), it doesn’t apply so well to pursuing one’s goals.  It becomes far too easy to become distracted or to lose one’s way completely when travelling by the seat of one’s pants.  I’m finally starting realize this as I am in the early stages of actively pursuing a couple of goals.  In the process, I’m becoming aware of a seeming myriad of things that distract me or trip me up.  As playwright Sidney Howard said, “One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.” 

So I have to find some things I can get rid of, and this time a ‘backwards outline’ won’t work.  Hmmm . . . what to do, what to do?

Can't Make Me (But You Can Help Me)

I didn’t want to get up this morning.  Between staying up a bit on the late side last night and a cat who was up a lot on the early side this morning, it would have been very easy (and was incredibly tempting) to sleep in later than I already had.  But then I remembered my running buddy.

Yes, I and a long-distance friend (she lives States-side in Tennessee, I am north of the 49^th parallel in Alberta) are each doing a ‘Couch to 5K’ program, and on somewhat of a whim last week I decided to see if she’d like to be my running buddy.  Happily, she agreed.  Now I’m no stranger to the ‘Couch to 5K’ program, having downloaded the app on my iPhone last year but petering out when it turned into a rather rainy spring after about three weeks.  And I think one of the key reasons that happened is I wasn’t accountable to anyone.  Not my husband, not any fellow exercisers, nada – just me and my will power, both of which will pick ‘warm and dry’ in a pinch when faced with lacing up the running shoes on a drizzly day.

Hence my ‘somewhat of a whim’ suggestion to my friend that we team up to conquer our respective programs – I realized I needed to be accountable to someone.  So now we follow up with one another via Facebook posts and in the process, I’ve made myself accountable to more people as other Facebook friends now ask how things are going.  It’s a great big ball of accountability.  I hope I’ll use it to help keep me going right over the finish line.

And it reminds me of Paul’s admonishment to the church in Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJ):

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,

not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner

of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more

as you see the Day approaching.

What are some ways being accountable to other people is helping you with an endeavor or goal or project?

Faults & Fears

Between saying and doing

many a pair of shoes is worn out.

~ Italian proverb

I accepted an excuse for being late to today’s writing session I know any employer would never accept from an employee:  I couldn’t find my brown eyeliner.  And things basically snowballed from there.  I had to finish doing my hair, then make a cup of tea, then mop up the tea that sloshed over the rim of my cup onto my desk and then I had to settle my nerves because my house is a mess and so on and so forth.  Gone was the satisfaction of being up in time to do some preliminary writing work before making a lunch for my husband (a little ‘derp’ moment), and then getting in half an hour of exercising. 

This morning is, when I think about it, actually a variation on how the last couple of weeks in particular have been going.  The initial adrenaline rush of making some tweaks and changes has worn off.  The need for what seems to be tedious work has set in.  Reminders of all that needs to be done are plenteous.  Impatience looms, questions and doubts build, and the temptation to write recent pursuits off as a trip down a rabbit trail, to switch back to merely plodding through life snatches at my heels.

Hard work is worthwhile . . .
~ Proverbs 14:23 (CEV)

But I can’t.  Just as I can’t call the coffee from a popular Canadian franchise good after having some truly good coffee at another coffee house, I can’t go back to plodding through my days, simply letting life happen to me.  It’s not a good life.  It’s not a sort of life that testifies of the bigness and awesomeness of the God I serve. 

I don’t mean to say I have aspirations of becoming some sort of a celebrity, of seeing my name in lights (though seeing it on a book jacket in Chapters would be pretty sweet).  No, I’m talking about me (and you) living life on purpose.  Of not sitting on the sidelines watching other people be great at whatever it is they’re great at – whether they’re full-time moms, janitors, teachers, pastors, secretaries, salespeople.  Whatever it is they do.  Whatever it is we do.  We can all do it well, and we can do it all as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). 

So onwards and upwards it is, then.  In spite of faults and in spite of fears because the One who calls you and me will complete the good work He has begun in us (Philippians 1:6).  We just need to remember it’s not a passive experience on our end, either, and give it all we’ve got too.  I have a hunch it’s something we won’t regret.

Bits of the Picture

The clock is ticking, the cursor is blinking in my Word document, and I’m sorting through a few things (or trying to) as I sip at a cup of herbal tea.  So far, nothing has gelled into a cohesive entry.  And I don’t blame the lack of caffeine, as I normally don’t have my first cup until I start my office job after lunch.

No, it’s something simpler.

Today I decided for the first time in about a week and a half (not including weekends) to not get up early to write.  I didn’t prime the pump, as it were, and I’m sort of regretting it.  I don’t 100% regret it, mind you, as having a good night’s sleep was great (I’m still working on the getting to bed earlier bit) and I got a good number of things done this morning.  Brought the car in for an oil change, got some groceries, started some laundry, that sort of thing. 

But I do regret my later rising a bit.  Did I choose ‘happiness now’ over ‘happiness later’?  I would say so, yes.  At the same time, I’m sorting through some things I have been learning the past little while in church.  Things such as not pursuing happiness over pursuing truth, rekindling a hunger and desire for God and godly things, ways in which others and myself are intelligent (‘It’s not how intelligent are you,’ my notes read, ‘but how are you intelligent?’).  As such, I’m wondering for perhaps for the bazillionith time if I’m in God’s will or if I’m merely trying to get Him to bless my will.  But, thankfully, even with such questions bouncing around I’m not doing what I would normally do, which would be nothing or close to nothing while waiting for a TBD sign from the heavens as to what to do next.

Because I do know some things which I should never quit doing, thanks to the pastors and teachers I get to learn from on a regular basis – things such as seeking God, worshipping Him and talking to Him, reading my Bible, serving others.

And as Steven Furtick wrote in his April 14/11 blog entry, it’s often in the midst of doing those things we find the other answers we are looking for.  After all, Jesus called His disciples while they were busy in their ‘everyday’ tasks.  God came to talk to Gideon while he was threshing wheat, Elisha was plowing a field when Elijah found and began to disciple him. 

So who knows when God will reveal the next step to you and to me?

Star Gazing

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.

--Vincent van Gogh

It’s easy, I think, to dream things for one’s life, to make a list of things to do and things to pursue and such.  But as I’m sure many can attest to, it’s quite another thing to get out there and realize one’s dreams, to help bring them to fruition in the here and now.

I look at where I actually am with certain things compared to where I thought I could be at one time or another, and I realize I’d like to move directly from ‘dreams’ to ‘reality’ in a transport of some sort (Beam me up, Scotty).  Lets just bypass the drudgery, the dips and the hard work to get from A to B, shall we?  Wouldn’t that be more fun?  (Now, I’ve never said that is what I’d like to do in so many words.  But my actions (or lack thereof) certainly do indicate that is a desire of mine on some level.)

But life and even fiction rarely work that way.  More often than not, there are countless hours of work logged in by an ‘overnight success’, hours of practice put by the ‘musical prodigy’, many sketches and rough drafts preceding the finished work of an artist and a writer.  Van Gogh didn’t just look at the stars and dream – he painted them in swirls of colour and feeling.  Charles Dickens didn’t merely think it would someday make a neat story to write about an old miser whose worldview is changed courtesy of three spirits who visit him one cold Christmas Eve – he wrote A Christmas Carol.  Nor did Beethoven think a handful of notes would one day make a nice ditty – he wrote his Fifth Symphony.

So I don’t want to leave tales of Plot Ninjas, high school teachers, or time travellers to languish on hard drives, in binders, and on various scraps of paper.  Nor do I want to keep dwelling in the past or ‘playing it safe’ and end up missing out on what God is doing now and what He’s got planned for the future.  It’s time to move past a simple recitation of Philippians 4:13 and get to putting it into practice.  I don’t know it all, and it may very well be there are dreams I will need to let go of and others that need to be tweaked or completely overhauled.  But that’s okay.  God promises in Psalm 32:8 that He will guide us along the best pathway for our lives, that He will advise and watch over us.  It’s up to me to either go where He leads or to fight Him like a stubborn mule (v. 9).  But if I go His way, it’s going to be wild, it’s going to be great, and it’s going to be full of Him. Ü

First Things First

The first time of doing anything new, unfamiliar, and flat-out unknown is scary.  It can be scary a good number of times after the initial step, too. This point in particular was driven home for me when I started a new job five years ago.  For the first three months I spent my morning commute praying like crazy that I wouldn’t mess up.  I did mess up, mind you, but I didn’t quit my job over those mistakes.  I wasn’t fired for them (whew!).  I was learning new things, in a new environment.  Figuring everything out and adopting new habits, acquiring new skills was going to take some time.  I realized that and my boss knew that before I even started my job.

It’s funny how I keep forgetting that with other things, though. 

Take last year’s goals – actually, my goal-setting history in general.  Granted, I do realize a good chunk of my problem is a lack of self-discipline.  But I am not helped by the fact I can all-too readily throw in the towel as soon as I miss a Bible reading for the day or a workout or some writing time.  Then there is the annoying “Remember” loop that kicks in far too often.  It would be fine for this loop to kick in if it were a “Remember your past successes” loop, but the one I have allowed to play the longest and loudest is “Remember your past failures”.  It’s a doozy, to be sure. 

Now I can’t pinpoint when my thinking finally started to shift in regards to setting goals for this year, but a shifting is in progress.  I’m thinking I will be hearing the “Mantra of My Failures” less often this year as I’m finally grasping a couple of things:

1.     I do not need to let my past failures determine my ability to move forward.

2.     A setback or failure on the course to reaching a goal does not mean the goal cannot be reached.  It simply takes time to change a habit.

Nothing deep or profound, to be sure, but it was a pretty cool ‘light bulb’ moment to have.

Progress or the Lack Thereof

So I've spent most of this morning avoiding tasks that need to be done.

Pile of dishes in sink? Still there, with today's breakfast dishes added to the mix.

Laundry? Still not all done.

Manuscripts? Incomplete and/or unedited.

Exercise? Oi . . .

And I am totally, compleately frustrated with myself. It is the 18th of January 2010 and while I have made some progress, it has been minimal. My procrastination skills are still rather top-notch, mind you. %-P

It is also incredibly easy to whine about it, too. So what am I going to do today and this week and for the rest of this month to get myself out of the rut(s) I am so tired of being in and get on the right track?

1. Don't make things harder or more daunting than they actually are. Just as Paul admonished fellow believers to not forget the simplicity which is in Christ (2 Cor. 11:3), I need to remember to take things a step at a time.

2. Make a plan and stick to it, but don't be so rigidly adhered to it I miss God's leading. His ways are perfect and He knows the way I need to be going, the way which is truly the right way to go. In other words, correct course as need to but set a course so I don't keep going in circles!

3. Be accountable. Case in point: Hubby and I are planning a holiday to a tropical locale in October and I have told people about it. People will quiz us about it. Darn it, my husband quizzes me about it! This is a good thing as it helps me keep going in terms of looking into things and making plans and such so we actually make the trip.

4. Acknowledge my mistakes, but don't dwell on them. It's not how many times I fall, but how many times I get back up and keep going. And I need to remember to forgive myself and then be able to receive God's forgiveness. As my pastor says, if I don't, God wont't.

So here's to keeping on swimming, but with a destination and a plan to get there. Even Dory had a destination. ;-)

Creating New Normals

I must say I am rather pleased to have achieved the following:



Yes, I took on the challenge once again to write 50 000 words in the month of November. But not just any old words, mind you, but novel-type words! Oh, yes! And of the 51 176 words I finished with yesterday evening, I hope to dig out a bona-fide story. (That's the beauty of National Novel Writing Month -- you give yourself permission to ignore your inner editor and just focus on getting various ideas and metaphors and, yes, some craptastic scenes on the page.)

But I had another goal beyond getting out a novella. I had long been thinking I needed to get back in the habit of writing more than a couple of times a month, whether it be working on some devotional pieces or on the novel I started a couple of years ago. So with this year's NaNoWriMo, I determined to work on my novel every day for 30 consecutive days. And on all but one of my novelling days, I managed to churn out at least 1667 words. With the novel being done, I have worked on some writing today and will again tomorrow to properly finish off the 30 day goal.

Time and again I've read writing involves just sitting your butt in the chair and just writing. This month I did that with not just the goal of hitting the 50 000 word mark, but of also creating a new normal where it is what I do every day in the months ahead.

My inner editor, however, may have to wait until tomorrow to come back out. ;-)

Looking Forward, Looking Back

So I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping (hubby and I have to decide for sure on a possible 'joint' gift for he and I) and am thankful the only store I was in today was Wal-Mart before it got crazy-busy. Other than that, my day consisted of breakfast out with my family, coffee and (almost forgot!) a trip to Ten Thousand Villages with my hubby and his mom; then at home it was to peruse some stuff on the 'Net while my cat decided to snuggle on my lap with a break taken to try and eat the zipper on my hoodie.

But I'm also finding myself in a contemplative mood as I think back over the year so far and some of the years before that, and try to look ahead to the year yet to be. What have I done? What was worthwhile? What needs to change? What gets built upon and what gets to be either abandoned or given a new foundation?

On "Canada's Worst Driver", one of the prevalent pieces of driving advice is to look where you want to go. So where am I looking? And do I really want to go there?

God tells us in His Word to not remember the things of old because He will do a new thing (Isaiah 43:18-19); He knows the plans He has for us -- for me -- to give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). These are good things to keep in mind as I contemplate and plan and prepare, because it won't just happen as I sit here, doing nothing. That, to me, is one of the things I find to be so amazing about God. He doesn't just program us all to do this 'n' that in a mindless manner; He wants us to be actively engaged and involved in things on this side of heaven to help us prepare for whatever lies on the other side with Him for eternity.

So look where you want to go. And don't miss the sign posts God has placed along the way.

:-)

Who Are You Going to Be?

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
-- e.e. cummings

My husband and I watched the last four weeks worth of Canadian Idol's sixth season (where local boy Theo Tams was declared the winner, but where I also thought it would've been neat if Mitch MacDonald from Port Hood, NS had won), and I was struck by -- particularly during the results show -- how neat it is to see people doing something they genuinely love to do. And this is a thought I've had at various points in my adult years whether it's hearing the stories from two friends who teach kindergarten, listening to my husband talk about a song he's working on or other examples which escape me at present. >_<

I was thinking about such things again today while working on mustard receipts (I work at a processing plant where lentils, chickpeas, peas, mustard and canary seed are cleaned and shipped to various areas). I enjoy my job, I really do, but as I was thinking various what-nots I wondered "Do I want to be doing this years from now?". There is a somewhat-neglected novel in the beginning-to-middle stages on my computer; a guitar gathering dust that I'd like to truly learn how to play and many other goals, I guess, I'd like to accomplish before my time here is done (hopefully, anyway!).

Yes, God has a plan for my life. He has good thoughts He's thinking about me to give me a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

The question is am I walking in that plan? Am I passionately pursuing Him, accomplishing what He has for me to do? Am I being who He has made me to be, or am I trying to be what I think I should be or what the world around me thinks I should be at this point in my life?

Or, to divvy things into four areas my pastor talked about a little while ago during my church's weekly Bible study, I need to know:

1. Where I am.
2. Who I am.
3. Where I'm going.
4. Where to start from for #3.

Who (or whose) am I going to be?

Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot

In just under 6 hours by MST, it will be a brand new spankin' year. Out with the old and in with the new -- new goals, new ideas, new expectations and what not.

I was flipping through my rarely pulled-out journal last night and discovered I had indeed set some goals for '07. I did okay on some, totally forgot about others, and was struck by how I seem to set the same goals year after year after year.

Get in better shape/lose weight.

Do better at work.

Do better at my volunteer work.

Write more.

Spend less time watching TV/aimlessly surfing the 'Net/time-wasting activity of the month.

Basically, :-P. Same old, same old.

I was prompted out of my 'same old' mindset in church yesterday when my pastor taught on the Holy Spirit's work in us, through us, and with us as Christians. God wants us to be blessed, to be successful, to be free and prosperous in every sense of the word. We're not supposed to look back. Like Paul wrote to one of the early churches, this one thing he did was forget those things which were behind him and press on toward the goal of the upward call in Christ Jesus.

Hmmm.

So Paul wasn't looking back and he was moving onward and upward. And I need to do the same.

It's time for me to quit looking back at all the things I was going to do, but to look at where I want to be and figure out (prayerfully!) how to get there.

On that note, I have one goal already which is more defined than my . . . wait, I'm not looking back! Okay, here is the one goal I have thus far: Write one new chapter for my novel every 3 weeks (this is a minimum number -- if it's every two weeks, that's great).

Happy New Year, everyone!

Time Flies . . . Does Cake?

I technically have another 18 hours and 35 mintues (if I remember correctly -- or else it's 19 hours and 5 minutes) before I turn the big 3-6. Yup, I'm on what some would call the downward slope to the even bigger 4-0. No longer can I say I'm in my early thirties. It's now the mid-to-late thirties and I think I lost an important note or something along the way or else I would be feeling more prepared for this.

Such is how life seems at times, eh? It's happening, we're not ready, but on it goes none the less. %-P

Not that I'm really having issues with getting older or regretting things not done and even a few things that were done. I think it's more just me being in a contemplative mood as I look toward the new year and wonder what sorts of things are going to happen in '08.

Now I was feeling as if I should write something all profound and meaningful about getting older and making changes and what-not. But the facts of the matter are presently as follows:

#1. It's (as I type this) 11:18 PM where I live.

#2. I'm tired.

#3. I have these really great flannel sheets which make going to bed even more appealing in my sleepy state.

#4. Ramblings of a tired mind can be oft-regretted in the morning. Or revered for their awesome depths. Either way . . . it can be dicey at best.

So g'night. I'm too tired to pull my foot out of my mouth so I best not be creating an opportunity for it to get in there to begin with. ;-P